The Relationship Report “Check Your Male”

Steven James Dixon November 30, 2011 Comments

 Much too often I talk to males who have no idea what being a man is about. Too many males have never had a man in their life to learn from or compare themselves to. My wife and I were at dinner the other day and we were laughing about how competitive my five year old son is with his father. We were laughing until it dawned on us that this competition between father and son is the beginnings of the construction of his man. My son and I compete on everything. Who runs the fastest, who can bring mommy a snack that she likes, who is the strongest and toughest, who mommy loves the most, who can win the basketball game, who gets a kiss from mommy first. The competitions that we have are learning opportunities for my son. My son is going to learn more from me indirectly than he ever will learn from me directly. For the grown boys out there who have yet to become men, here are two things to look for when you “Check Your Male.”

 

1. Love Your Family

My wife is my rib. My son is my seed. The keyword in those statements is “MY”. I love “MY” family. I live for them. Nothing outside of them comes close to them. They come first at all times. There is no competition because they are “MY” family. When I say “MY” I don’t mean “MY” as in possession. I mean “MY” as in protection. They don’t know it but they live in a bubble. Secure. RIGHT NOW I am writing this article in the bushes across the street from my son’s daycare. RIGHT NOW I am writing this article from the 17th floor of the office building that is *catta-cornered to my wife’s place of employment. Scope. Strapped. Loaded. Watching & writing. Writing & watching. Hold up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ok, I am back. There was a disagreement a couple cubes down from my wife. I will wipe out everyone if necessary. All men should feel like this about their families. My son is learning from me how to love a woman. My son is learning from me that loving a woman is cool. My son is learning from me that loving a woman is not something to be ashamed of. You chose her (wife). You made them (kids). What is wrong with you if you don’t love them? Do you love yourself?

*catta-cornered – Note to my editors. I wanted to spell catta-corned just like that. It sounds right and it’s funny. Leave it alone!

 

2. Provide For Your Family

The next thing that my son will learn from me is that daddy provides. He does not understand the value of money but he does know that daddy got it. That daddy gets it! That daddy is perfectly fine with giving it to mommy. That daddy is perfectly fine with spending it all on him. My son is going to learn that a man provides for his family.

I was counseling a couple the other day and the wife had a stank attitude. Normal. She had a legitimate complaint about the financial stability of the husband. Dude was bad with the money. I am not a financial guy but I figured that I would talk to dude about money. The first thing that I said to him was, “Why is your wife worried about money?” He made some excuses I ignored them. I said to him that in no uncertain terms is your wife supposed to be worried about how the household bills are going to get paid. I did not say that a woman should not pay bills or that a man should pay all the bills. I am not talking about a shopping or entertainment budget. I am talking about the mortgage, the rent, the utilities, the car, the life insurance, THE BILLS!

Let me be clear. My wife and I have agreed upon a certain amount of money that she gives to the household to help pay bills each month. When she gives me that money, I guarantee her that all bills are to be paid. ALL. She need not worrying her pretty little self about when, what, how, howcome, who. ALL BILLS PAID. I AM MAN ALL DAY. This is what a man does. This is the purpose of man. If man does not provide, he is not a man, he is a male and he needs to check his male. I take a lot of pride in being a man. I take a lot of pride in being responsible for LaMechia LaChelle Dixon, my boo. Ethan Jacob Dixon looks up to me and I look out for him. My son thinks that I am a millionaire. Not because he has fancy toys, but because he has no worries. Daddy provides.

To the men who are incapable consistently paying the bills . . . let your woman cash your check. To the men who don’t have no check to cash, lay down in the street. (My apologies to the men who are diligently looking for employment. Having said that, I can’t think of an excusable reason that I would allow myself to have for not providing for my family. Daddy provides.) If you are not getting a check in the mail then you need to “Check Your Male.”

Loving your family and providing for your family merely graduates you from male to man. You are a man now, congrats! But you mustn’t become complacent.  I talk to too many men that have not maxed out on the talents that God has blessed them with. All of us have talents but many of us are lazy. It is within all of us to become great men and it is never too late to start being great. There are millions of males. There are a lot of men but there are very few great husbands. Every day I meet brilliant men who dedicate themselves to being the best lawyer or doctor or rapper or actor or athlete but there are not enough men that are dedicating themselves to being the best husband or father. If your focus is on something besides one of those two then you need to “Check Your Male.”

 

Follow me on Twitter: @StevenJDixon

Comments

  1. Wife Type says:

    This is the truth!! Check your MALE!!

  2. KingMaker757 says:

    AMEN!

  3. April Dawn says:

    Praise God! Someone Gets It! The Blessing is in how you Tell It Mr.Dixon! I’ve had this conversation far too many times. I believe that the men I talked to in my life about it, wouldn’t receive it from Me, either because I’m a woman, or because they weren’t ready (Or BOTH). I will continue sending Males And Females to your site. As Well as the Men And Women who Chose to continue growing, Like myself. Blessings to You and your Family.

  4. @_aprilbyrd says:

    Cool! Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28

    In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—

    1. You didn’t need no introduction, no nothing huh? No bible notification, no clarification on version, NIV or KJV, NOTHING HUH! JUST WORD!

  5. Dana says:

    Seriously, when is Oprah gonna get u your OWN tv show?? We need a positive black role model on tv to reach the masses to break it down as u do, so we (men and women) can come together and become one as husbands, wives, mothers and fathers. I truly appreciate all ur efforts. Thank you.

    1. That is very nice of you to say! Thank you!

  6. Cherise says:

    When tell you EVERYTIME I read one of your articles I go home and make changes in my “Woman” and continue to “Make My King”. POWERFUL!

  7. Sportyshorty says:

    This is just a comfirmation for me…..I was in church yesterday and someone was giving a testimony and they metion this situation about being a man of the household……….Yes I would love to keep reading your articles……

  8. Nina says:

    Beautiful article. I just need to know where I can meet a “StevenDixon”. Seriously. There aren’t many man that have this viewpoint and I do. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. Thank you for clearing that up.

  9. Veronica says:

    I love love love your articles!!!! I started to get worried when I didn’t see any recent blogs…whewww…Thanks for being candid and unapologetic in your approach.

  10. Brandy says:

    I love that there is someone out there who gets it!! Thank you for getting it! I am so blessed to have a father who is a MAN! He provided for my mother, myself and my four siblings. Working three jobs at one point to proivde for us and later on becoming a business owner. I just hope to one day have a man like my father find me to make me his queen. Thank you!

  11. Loni says:

    BLESS GOD for the REAL MEN LEFT OUT THERE!!! I PRAY THAT GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. YOUR WORDS WERE A SOOTHING BALM TO MY SOUL

  12. Kelly says:

    So very impressed by how your words explain my feelings matter of factly!

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  14. Morgan says:

    Steve,

    This is a fantastic article. Keep up the good work. Fortunately for my family (or fortunately for me), I fit the bill. Thank God!

  15. che hill says:

    This I something I would let my my two sixteen year old sons read.

  16. Alicia J says:

    Extremely informative from a MAN’s point of view. I know the difference between a MALE and a MAN. It saddens me to see that there are more MALES out here than MEN. It saddens me that the MALES feel they deserve as much respect as a MAN. Looking for work in today’s world is the only excuse for not being a full-fledged provider. Going from job to job and not having a job more than having A job is not enough. Earn the right to be called DADDY if you have a child(ren). Anybody can be a Father…on paper. Anybody can be a MAN because you were born of the MALE species. On that note…it takes a strong MALE to be the strongest MAN and the whole PROVIDER and the most awesome DADDY. You have my respect sir!

  17. Tamika says:

    Excellent message to the single ladies this morning on TJMS. A man is able to handle things. A male skirts about life. A man is concerned about my safety. A male is left wondering if. Thanks for your honest and direct approach.

  18. George Washington says:

    Hello Mr. Dixon,
    Was listening to you this morning on the TJMS while driving to work and almost had to pull over your message hit so hard and close to home. I have always felt that way and tried to be that man and I feel I have. It was refreshing to hear another brotha say what I have always felt as a husband,provider,father and head of household. Can’t wait to get your book for my only unmarried daughter. I have four and all have good men who do exactly what you talked about,:PROVIDE!!

  19. Sweetpea says:

    What is the release day for Check Your Male? (the book)

    1. My agent didn’t like that title for the name of a book. I think it is #winning!

  20. Terri says:

    I heard “check your male” last week as I was driving to work. You eleborated more on this subject. This is the kind of stuff I learned from how my father treated my mother. He was the provider, he loved his family, his mother and his children and grandchildren meant the whole world to him. I had to stop my car and laugh because all the things you said is what I do and I am the woman of the house.

  21. Daphene says:

    I have been blessed to have some AMAZING black men in my life. I am almost 40 and I don’t have any sob stories or drama to complain about. I can honestly say that I believe in my BROTHERS and hope that they can LOVE themselves, as we LOVE them.I think that is where the problem comes from.They have forgotten how to FIGHT every one but US.They must learn that us SISTERS are not their enemy, just because we know their potential and expect the BEST they can give. I still have faith in my BROTHERS and hope in BLACK LOVE.

  22. SyN Syn WhErE u BeeN BeeN says:

    Thanks so much for speaking the truth of how women think and want in our man….i mean husband. i will definitely have any potential companion read this to make sure that WE are on the same page.

  23. [...] The next thing that my son will learn from me is that daddy provides. He does not understand the value of money but he does know that daddy got it. That daddy gets it! That daddy is perfectly fine with giving it to mommy. That daddy is perfectly fine with spending it all on him. My son is going to learn that a man provides for his family. CLICK HERE TO READ MORE! [...]

  24. [...] The next thing that my son will learn from me is that daddy provides. He does not understand the value of money but he does know that daddy got it. That daddy gets it! That daddy is perfectly fine with giving it to mommy. That daddy is perfectly fine with spending it all on him. My son is going to learn that a man provides for his family. CLICK HERE TO READ MORE! [...]

  25. [...] The next thing that my son will learn from me is that daddy provides. He does not understand the value of money but he does know that daddy got it. That daddy gets it! That daddy is perfectly fine with giving it to mommy. That daddy is perfectly fine with spending it all on him. My son is going to learn that a man provides for his family. CLICK HERE TO READ MORE! [...]