Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast Q & A Session 2.0

Steven James Dixon April 18, 2011 0

Birmingham, AL – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I hope and pray that your book helps me. I have read some other relationship books and the things discussed were just basic knowledge and common sense. I hope you have a seminar so I can come out and learn a thing or two about relationships.

I’m 40 years old and I am raising a 14 year old son by myself. The pain that I have that was caused by my ex is severe right now and it’s very hard. I know time heals all wounds. I continue to pray daily but it seems like the pain isn’t going away. I had to take off work for two days because I just did not feel well after our breakup. It bothers me because he knows how it feels to hurt. His wife cheated on him with someone he knew so now he is out to damage every woman that comes in contact with him. I don’t think I will ever be prepared to step into another relationship. I’m just tired and worn out from all these fake brothers.

  1. You will love again.
  2. One of the first things I teach women how to do is “Find out if he has been hurt, who did it and how long ago was it?”
  3. Don’t be tired of fake brothers be tired of you falling for fake brothers. Anything worth having you will have to weed through some trash to get to. For example, you read some else’s relationship book and now you have found mine and it will get YOU RIGHT to deal with the next guy that comes along. There are some good guys out there but you are not doing a good job of weeding through the bad ones to get to the good ones. Too often I talk to women who are trying to make a relationship work that is not going to work. You do that two or three times and then you go and tell the world that there aren’t any good guys when that is not the case. The truth is that there are some bad guys out there and you have to be smart enough to avoid them.
  4. My book is about teaching women like you how to avoid men like him.
  5. My principle for women is to “Date More & Leave Earlier.”

Chicago, IL – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast am I wasting my time? I grew up with this guy and back in the day I never took him seriously because he was in the streets. Fifth teen years later he tracks me down and we start dating. Within a three year’s time frame this man has cause me nothing but HELL and DARAMA. It started when he lost his job. I have connections to get him another job and set it up but this fool never went to the interview. He moved back into his mama’s basement. He is a total different man from what he presented to me. He is back smoking weed and playing video games all day. My gut feelings are that he is seeing other women. I actually caught him with another chick but he said that she was his cousin’s girl. WHY I CAN’T TELL DUDE TO GET OUT MY LIFE AND LEAVE ME ALONE?

You are obviously the problem in this scenario. You got a good man that is down for you but you are not down for him. He starts having a little bit of financial difficultly and you want to bounce. That’s what’s wrong with women of today. When he starts to look for a job, he will stop smoking so he can pass the drug test, I am sure that he has informed you of this plan. What would you like him to do instead of move in with his mother? Wait, could it be that your real problem is that he didn’t move in with you? What’s wrong with you?

Is that what you want me to say? Sometimes I just say back to women what they say to me and then they finally understand what they are dealing with. Say this out loud “MY MAN, MY . . . MAN, my man doesn’t have a job, lives with his mamma, plays video games and smokes weed all day.” Say it out loud. Say it again and again. Tell some people. Claim him!!!!

You are not wasting your time, you are wasting his time. He could be dating some one that will put up with all his hell and drama.

New York, NY – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I’ve been with my husband for eight years and we have been married for three. Throughout our entire relationship he has never been capable of being faithful. I’ve never been the type to try to control what he does and I see that’s probably where I went wrong with him. Last year he introduced one of his female friends to me saying that they were just friends. They have been intimate every since. He has told meon several occasions that he will end the affair but he never has. So I moved out but I still sleep with him from time to time. I don’t know why I do that. The more I type the more stupid I feel. Right when I am finally ready to give up, he is finally trying to act right. At least I think he is because that girl has all our business on Facebook. Funny thing is that he’s irate with me because I discuss our problems with my friends. What should I do?

You know what, if I knew that I could cheat on my wife and get away with it I would definitely have me a trick on the side. BUT MY WIFE DON’T PLAY LIKE THAT! My wife made it very clear to me from jump that she don’t do other women AT ALL! She don’t do other women by text message, by email, by Facebook, by Twitter or by MySpace. If my wife sees any inappropriate messaging anywhere it is a wrap for me. I am afraid of her. If my wife caught me cheating I really believe that she would rather leave with nothing then to sit here and let me to disrespect her. She don’t care about no book, no CNN, no Tom Joyner, no writing for Essence, no money, no nothing. She only cares about family and respect. Her respect is valuable to her. Early in our marriage when I received an inappropriate text message she immediately smashed my phone. I tried the old “DON’T BE INVADING MY PRIVACY BIT”. She smashed that too! She told me that I don’t have no privacy. I really didn’t have a response, I was in shock. No woman had ever handled me like that before. Most women cry in these situations, she got angrier and angrier and angrier. (I did say that I am afraid of her right?) Most women beg, she put her index finger in the middle of my forehead and threatened my life and then gave me the middle as she walked off. My wife knows that she is a bad chick! If you don’t think that you are a bad chick then I advise you to put up with your husband cheating on you.  Just take it. Take anything. Baby sit the kids that he has with other women. Don’t use protection with him, invite disease into your life. Take it all. Let him do whatever he wants.

I had to go hard on you. I felt that you needed it. Now I am not advising you to change the way you interact with your husband overnight. You have been a softy for 8 years. You can’t talk to me and then flip a switch and start demanding all of your respect tonight. You will have to slowly infuse your pride and respect back into the relationship. If you don’t respect yourself, no one in the marriage respects you.

I believe that I can save all marriages. First he has got to get all of your business off the Internet. If he can’t do that, I take back what I said about saving your marriage. My wife would say “I don’t care how you do it or what you have to do. That is your problem.” Once he get’s your business off of the internet ask him to rededicate himself to the marriage and to talk to me. The next step is you giving him six months of the best wife that you can be, not because he deserves it, but because we want him to remember how good a woman you were when you leave on April 1st. He is going to think its April Fools Day. If you are the best woman that you can be and he doesn’t respond and start doing better over the six months, it is time for you to go. Once you have given your absolute best to a relationship, it is a lot easier to leave that relationship.

Indianapolis, INDear Mr. RelationshipBeast I have a relationship issue. Recently my boyfriend decided to move out in the middle of a heated discussion. He has moved all his things but he still sleeps at my house nightly. I bought an extra car for us because he got a job and needed transportation. I want to take the car now that he has moved out but my girlfriend says to let him have it. The car is in my name and his license is suspended. Now I bought this car under the pretenses that we were going to be together so in my mind it was for the betterment of our relationship. I don’t want to take it back and make it seem like I’m bitter. Oh yeah, he says that we are still going to date, he doesn’t want to break up.

5. So he can just tell you if y’all are dating or not? If he didn’t inform you of your relationship status what would you think that the two of you would be doing? Do you have a vote on if you guys continue dating? You can’t let a man dictate to you the terms of your interaction. At least make him chose if he is in or out of the relationship. He don’t get to decide day to day.

4. Do you think that he would let you keep the car?

3. If you would have never bought the car do you think y’all would still be together? You didn’t buy the car for you two. You bought the car for him to drive to your girlfriend’s house. She can’t be picking him up from your house. Of course I am joking but I can’t understand why she would tell you to let him keep the car.

2. The last time a woman bought me a car I was 16 and she was my mother. Even then, I put in on that car! If you have to buy a man a car I think I am going to go ahead and make the assumption that he is not a good relationship partner.

1. Simple Math: Not Together + No Relationship = No car. If you want him back just ask for the car.

Houston, TXDear Mr. RelationshipBeast I’m a 45 years old and I am very attractive and physically fit. I get a lot of stares from guys, but they never say anything.  I always make eye contact and even say hello to the ones I’m attracted to, but they won’t step up.  But there’s this one man I really like and feel that he’s a perfect match for me. We’ve been dating off and on for 7 months, but he won’t budge. We have been intimate twice, but I always initiate a call, text or email. Sometimes I get a response and sometimes I get nothing. He always says I’m a great catch, but he ain’t trying to catch me. Should I keep at this guy or move on? I’m exhausted what am I doing wrong?

“He always says I’m a great catch, but he ain’t trying to catch me.” – If he is not trying to catch you, then why are you trying to catch him? You can’t catch a man anyway. That is what you are doing wrong. No other man can catch you because you are chasing him. Once you get over that, I want you to search for two articles that I wrote last week for The Relationship Report:

“How To Ask A Man Out On A Date Part I”

“How To Ask A Man Out On A Date Part II”

St. Louis, MO – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I would like to know why this married man would get upset if someone wants to talk to me. . . . STOP RIGHT THERE!

Please read The Relationship Report “Why You Loooove Dating Married Men.”

Dallas, TX- Mr. Dear RelationshipBeast I have been messing around with this guy for 4 months and I basically have ended it because I figured the only thing he wants from me is sex. He would come over once or twice a week. The downfall is he is married and separated from his wife. . . . . STOP RIGHT THERE!

Please read The Relationship Report “Why You Loooove Dating Married Men.”

Indianapolis, IN – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast My woman’s intuition told me to go through his phone and found that he had been sex-texting another woman. He told me she was just a friend and he didn’t do anything wrong. Six months later he left the phone at home and I went through it again and this time it was a different girl. He told me it was because he was bored and he didn’t know how to tell me that he was bored. Then he said the fire had left the relationship and we tried to decide together how to fix it. His only suggestion was to move out. A few days later I asked him why he has not made an effort to move out and and he said that he had become comfortable. I started feeling like I was being used so I told him that it wasn’t fair to me, him or the relationship for him to be here just because he was comfortable and his respond was “ok, well I can move out then.” I don’t think he really wanted to leave because he says that he was forced. I really needed him to be out on his own so he could start appreciating me. He told me himself that he needed to miss me. He says that he couldn’t miss me when we are living together and seeing each other every day. He tells me he doesn’t want to be single but then he entertains the conversation of other women when he is fully aware of their intent. The car is mine, the title and the insurance is in my name. Of course when he was living here he paid the car insurance for both cars. Now that he is not here I told him he only needs to pay the insurance for the car he drives. I want him to stand on his own two feet but I don’t want to feel like I’m kicking him when he is down. I want him to get his own car but until then he has to have a car for work. I just got laid off my job of 9 yrs and I can’t drive two cars with no job so I figure he can drive one until I can sell the other.”

Hold up how you get in the Relationship Report twice? It’s cool. I got another point to make. You can’t make a man be a man. You can’t raise a boy to be a man. You have to accept that he is not a man. Your man is not a man by his choice. It is not an accident. There is nothing that you can do to make him want to be what you want him to be. A man can only want things for himself. He is not going to go somewhere and find out that he doesn’t need you. It’s not about you, it’s about him. You ought to hope that he goes somewhere and get’s lost and can never find his way back to you. What you have described to me is a male, not a man. Having an extremity makes male. It takes personal growth and development to be a man. You admitting to the fact that you want him to stand on his own two feet is saying enough right there because you shouldn’t what a man that can only stand on his two feet. You want a man that can also carry you on his shoulders.

You should want someone who wants you and not because you are convenient or because he is comfortable or because he doesn’t want to be single. All because he is just a male that doesn’t mean that you are just another female. By the way, you can find another male almost anywhere.

Omaha, NE – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast how can a man say that he loves me but he doesn’t spend any time with me? Do men care about how they treat women? How can he not care about my feelings? This hurts so bad.

You created this monster. Woman created this man when she started lowering her standards. Now I know that some women don’t like hearing that but this information came straight from the relationship battle grounds by messenger. I have tried to talk to men about showing women respect. I have tried to talk to men about loving their women. Some men just don’t get it. They say to me, “Why do something that I don’t have to do?” I am not talking about right or wrong, I am talking about reality. You have to make men respect you. Here is an example:

Your boss tells you that you can come to work at whatever time you want to starting tomorrow. Tomorrow you will instantly be 15 minutes late for work. A week from now you will be an hour late. Six months from now you will only go to work on payday. It is a natural progression. Same thing with relationships. You let one thing slide he is going to think that you are going to let two things slide. You let two things slide and now you have relationship questions for The RelationshipBeast. Whatever a man thinks he can get away with, he is going to try and get away with. You let your man run all over you but you don’t allow anyone else to do that. You let a man disrespect you while demanding the highest respect from everyone else. Why is there a different standard for him than it is anyone else in your life? You will cuss yo momma out if she talk to you sideways. You ignore your dad when he is trying to give you advice. You don’t let your brother come and take your car and run all the gas out do you? You don’t let your sister come to your house and eat up all your food do you? You don’t let your co-workers come into your office and take your stapler, markers and guest chair do you? You don’t let your girlfriend run up your cell phone bill but you will accept anything that your man dishes out. Understand that if you don’t command respect you don’t get any. NONE!

Tulsa, OK Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I have been dealing with a man for the last 12 years who has also has been in a relationship with another woman for about 17 years.  . . . . . STOP RIGHT THERE! The math don’t work. You are on the wrong end of the numbers. I know that you are saying that they are not married, but that is a lot of numbers. Also, I have a rule – don’t date people who are still dating people that they have a pre-existing emotional connection to. You can’t compete with pre-existing feelings. You will lose every time. Additionally, have you talked to God about your life expectancy or something? I can’t believe that you just gave her boyfriend/fiancé/husband 12 years of your life. The most happiness that you will ever get is if you all lived under the same roof together because he is never leaving.

Please read The Relationship Report “Why You Loooove Dating Married Men.”

Memphis, TN – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I met someone who was the total opposite of anyone that I have ever dated. After three months of this man chasing me I finally decided to give this man my heart. After about six months of dating he told me he had a son on the way. But he wasn’t done there. Once I gave birth to our child he surprised me with the news that he had another baby that was on the way. Guess what I did? You guessed it I still stayed. This man does not work, stays out all the time and does not contribute to any healthy lifestyle for my family. Twice he has been physically abusive to the point where I could have died. I finally got rid of him but now I feel as if I can never ever trust another man. I am upset with myself more than I am with him cause all I keep thinking is how could you let this man do this to you. You are better than that. He never deserved you or your love.

My question is how do I move on? How do I love again? I can’t just date because I have a family to raise and what man is going to want me with the children I have and I want to let them know I am not looking for a father for them just someone to live a great life with. To me being alone is all I see in my future and if that is how it is then so be it.

Ms. Memphis you are literally breaking my heart, but your heart is not the problem. There is another organ that has a much, much worst problem than your heart and that is your brain. Let your heart stay broken for while and let’s work on your brain. Let’s make sure that you can recognize men like this going forward in advance of having a relationship with them.

You have a very common disease that a lot of women have called “I-Believe-The-Words-That-Are-Coming-Out-Of-His-Mouth”. I HEARBY DENY YOUR RELATIONSHIP CARD. You bet not let me catch you dating nobody until you have read every piece of literature that I have ever wrote. Even the bad stuff that I wrote, my rough drafts, my ideas, I am going to start copying you on all emails, everything, read everything. I don’t want you to move on, I don’t want you to love again, I want you to love for the first time somebody that you haven’t loved in a long time – YOU.

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