#DINAOP – “5 Marriage Rules For 2016”

Steven James Dixon January 18, 2016 Comments

DINAOP_Marriage_Rules_2016_v3#DINAOP (Divorce Is Not An Option Project) is about making people stay married. Ok, that’s a little strong. #DINAOP is about not allowing people to get a divorce. Ok, just as strong. One more time #DINAOP is about imparting upon married folk a mindset that all marriages can be saved, fixed, and re-adjusted so that both parties can live happily ever after. I repeat: “ALL MARRIAGES CAN BE SAVED!” I strongly believe that Divorce Is Not An Option for struggling marriages but I believe just as strongly that no one should have to commit to being in an unhappy marriage. Not a contradiction. Any other problems we have, we solve. We need to learn how to solve problems within our marriages. ALL MARRIAGES CAN BE SAVED! I can save all marriages. If your marriage is struggling, I can tell you how to fix it. There is nothing wrong with marriage. There something wrong with that raggedy husband or raggedy wife.

As soon as I say #DINAOP some stupid . . . I mean smart…person says “What about abuse? Steven, do you feel that wives who are abused should stay in their marriages?” My response is “HELL NO!” When someone is being abused they don’t need marriage counseling. I repeat: When someone is being abused they don’t need marriage counseling. So when a wife said to me, “My husband locked me in the trunk of the car . . .” I don’t ask her WHY or HOW or WHEN. I show her how to dial 9-1-1. Together we Google how to file Police Reports and how to file Restraining Orders. No person should be locked in a trunk of a car against their will, their title is insignificant: Wife, Girlfriend, Teacher, Thug or THOT. That’s right, not even THOTs deserve to be locked in the trunk of a car. When a woman said to me, “My husband punched me in the face.” I refuse to talk about the marriage. There is no marriage. No real husband would punch his wife in the face. So he can’t possibly be your husband from that moment forward, he can only be some dude. A punk @ss dude. So there is no conversation about fixing the marriage. We can talk about what the woman wants to do about the abuse. We can talk about gun safety.

#DINAOP The problem with marriage is that there are no rules. New rules for 2016:

Marriage Rules 2016

  • Rule #1: All marriages are either successful or they fail based solely on the leadership of the man.
  • Rule #2: Husband and wife must protect the marriage from external forces of evil.
  • Rule #3: Importance in Marriage: God is 1st, Spouse is 2nd, Spouse is 3rd, 4th is Vacant, 5th is Family.
  • Rule #4: Building Blocks of Marriage: #1 is Commitment, #2 is Communication, #3 Trust, #4 Respect, #5 Love, #6 Healing, #7 Forgiveness
  • Rule #5: #DINAOP

Marriage Rules 2016 Explained

  • Rule #1: All marriages are either successful or they fail based solely on the leadership of the man.

Man is willing and able to take responsibility for their children, their mothers, their fathers, their siblings and other men. The only person, place or thing the average man won’t take responsibility for is his woman. Man is willing and able to take responsibility for the house, the car and his job but not his baby momma. It is biblical. Adam did not take responsibility for Eve so Eve’s butt is off up in the bushes conversing with the serpent. Exchanging social networking profiles and whatnot. Eve follows the Serpent on Twitter: @Serpent. Damn serpent should have been stomped out by Adam. Adam somewhere watching the game. God said, “Where art thou Adam?” There was no follow up question like “Adam, have you seen Eve?” The follow up question is not necessary because Adam is responsible for Eve. Eve is supposed to be where ever Adam is. There are wives reading this article right now that don’t know the location of their husband! If you are following @Serpent don’t follow @StevenJDixon.

  • Rule #2: Husband and wife must protect the marriage from external forces of evil.RB_ADD

Sometimes momma could be the evil. Momma said to me angrily one day when we were discussing the plans for the holiday, “You are going to do whatever your wife wants to do for the holidays, aren’t you?” My response is simply “Yes.” I don’t argue with my spouse over no one. Not my momma, not my friend, not my job, not these kids. If my wife needs me to do something and my mother needs me to do something, then my mom has to wait. And then if my wife needs me to do something else, moms has to wait longer. I am not inconveniencing my wife over my homeboy. If my homeboy wants to borrow the truck and my wife is in the truck, then my homeboy needs to walk. He is a grown man and one less friend will save me some time. Marriage is hard enough as it is. None of us need additional people or problems in our marriage. At least once a month for the last nine years I have looked my son in the eye and said, “Mommy and Daddy are going on a date and you can’t go.”

  • Rule #3: Importance in Marriage: God is 1st, Spouse is 2nd, Spouse is 3rd, 4th is Vacant, 5th is Family.

My wife is both the 2nd and the 3rd most important persons in my life because marriage requires prioritization. My wife needs . . . rephrase . . . I have decided that my marriage requires double the attention that I pay anything else in my life. Not time, attention. I can be reviewing homework with the kids but also thinking about plans to celebrate our anniversary. The same way I plan in advance to watch the game with the fellas, I plan in advance date night with the wife. 4th is Vacant because there is no competition for my wife. It’s not a game. I need recognizable / acknowledgeable space between my wife and all other persons, places, or things. Meaning that now when my mother calls me she starts her request off with, “I know you may need to check with your wife . . .” Got damn right! And don’t get me twisted. 41 year old man / love my momma / don’t know my daddy so you know my mother means the entire world to me.  And I keep talking about mommas because I am tired of talking about mommas to grown men. Dudes, listen to me. Momma will always forgive you and love you no matter what. It is significantly harder to be granted forgiveness from the person you share a bed with. I told momma one day that, “99/100 times I am going to publicly agree with my wife that 2 + 2 = 5,” even when momma screams, “you know I taught you “2 + 2 = 4!” #StraightUp #RideOrDieWithDaWife. Again, get me twisted not, I am merely providing examples for you momma’s boys out there. #GrowUp

  • Rule #4: Building Blocks of Marriage: #1 is Commitment, #2 is Communication, #3 Trust, #4 Respect, #5 Love, #6 Healing, #7 Forgiveness

If you are not in a committed relationship, you are not in a committed relationship. If you need relationship coaching before you are in a committed relationship . . . I’ll take your money but it really is a waste of both of our time . . . well, I’m being paid so it’s really only a waste of your time. Through communication you build trust. If you don’t trust you can’t respect. If you don’t respect you shouldn’t  love. Once you love, you will get hurt and you will have to develop the ability to heal and forgive. Healing is for you. Forgiveness is for them.

  • Rule #5: #DINAOP

You get up every day and go to that raggedy job. It sucks but you make the best of it. You work hard enough to get a promotion. A promotion is like a happy marriage if you work hard enough. Marriage is by far the most challenging obstacle that life has to offer. When the job gets tough, you work nights and weekends or longer shifts. We need to develop that approach to our marriages. If you are in a bad marriage you need to work some nights and weekends . . . by yourself . . . trying to figure out what YOU can do better . . . before blaming someone else.

Next week I will tell you about the first couple for #DINAOP in 2016!