I am in awe of the Black Woman. She is one of God’s greatest gifts. To truly appreciate her, you have to really know her. The barrage of attacks against the Black Woman has mounted to the point where I am offended. What is even more disappointing is that the most vigorous attacks are coming from the Black Man.

I Had To Marry A Black Woman because . . .

I had to have me a sistah. She is who I am most comfortable with. She understands me. Our struggles are one in the same. We relate to each other on a different level. I need someone that understands that Thanksgiving means collard greens, cornbread, peach cobbler and honey ham. Christmas doesn’t just mean Christmas Caroling, it means Christmas Classics by the Temptations and Boys II Men. I had to marry a black woman because I need someone that understands why my cousin stole money out of his mother’s purse. I need somebody to watch LOVE JONES with me. I need to be able to walk into my house and yell out, “Nights like this, IIIIIIIIIII wish, that rain drops would faaaaaaallllll. Nights like this . . .” and my woman interrupts me to finish the chorus herself!  I need that swag. I need that sweet. I need the confidence. I need unique.

Crushed linen, grass, folding chair, ice chest, Frankie Beverly & Maze. I need that.

Us against him. Us against them. Us against the world. I need that.

There is nothing more humbling than when my wife prays over me. I need that.

As I watch my sister and my mother love. . . I need that kind of love. I can see them loving, it is tangible and alive. My sister is able to express love for another person’s children in the same fashion that she loves her own. My mother was able to love me when my father didn’t. My mother is able to love the Black Man again and again and again. I’ve told my mom to try dating outside of our race and she has yet to do so. She will never give up on the Black Man. I am not saying what you don’t get in someone else, I am saying what you do get with the love of a Black Woman.

Black Man, when you attack the Black Woman you attack yourself.

When you look at her, you should see your mother, your sister, your aunt, your niece, your likeness. If you don’t see it in her face then you should definitely see our history in her eyes. If you don’t like who she has become then you don’t like where she has come from, namely you. (Ooooh those dudes crack me up when they say that they would never date a Black Woman. You ain’t fooling nobody. You hate yourself and your Momma.) Try loving her before leaving her and risking losing her forever.

I had to marry a Black Woman because she is irreplaceable. I am not saying what you can’t get in someone else, I am saying what you have in the Black Woman. I don’t believe that love has a color either, so I’m not saying who you should love or who YOU should be with but this Black Man right here, I needed, had to have, can’t see it no other way, this is me all day, I needed a Black Woman. Again, let me be clear, if you are a Black Man and you are married to a White Woman . . . you like it, I love it. If you are a Black Woman and you are married to a Latino man. . . DO YOU! All men are not created equal. Every man cannot handle a Black Woman. Yes, she is loud. (Stop frontin’, woman, you are.) She is sometimes overly aggressive. Is she tougher to deal with?  Absolutely, no question about it. Is she unreasonable in certain situations? Could be. Is her attitude stank? Indeed, funky as hell. But I need all of that because all of that is what makes her who she is. I take the good with the bad. Name me a gender or race or type that is without fault? The Black Man has his stereotypes that he has to deal with. So does the White Man, Asian Woman, etcetera, etcetera. The problem is that the attacks against the Black Woman are coming from the Black Man.

The Black Woman that I married is like good Gumbo. I love Gumbo. Gumbo is the best thing ever.

Someone once said to me that I should not compare my wife to a food. My response to them was, “You aint neva had no good Gumbo. Gumbo is not a food, Gumbo is an experience.” My wife is the finest of Gumbos. There are some ingredients in Gumbo that if you take them out individually, I would not eat them. But together they make . . .  a spicy, delicious, comforting, filling meal that piques all of five senses and more than satisfies the appetite.

There are some characteristics about my wife that make my wife who she is. To try to change her sassiness to try to control her attitude or to try and attempt to limit the way in which she expresses herself would in effect render her . . . a food. She would have no flavor! I would end up with a bowl of that swanky restaurant Gumbo that is beyond whack! Or worse, canned Gumbo! I embrace who she is because she is who she is and I love her just the way that she is. I don’t like okra (sassiness), roux (attitude) or celery (stubbornness) but if you put those items in a pot with some seafood (sweetness), chicken (love), sausage (resiliency) and you got A WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN! (You ever notice that no one has successfully sold Gumbo in a can?)

Black Woman, stop letting the Black Man stress you out. If he is attacking you, then he is not for you and you are not for him. Shoot, I need my Black Woman. I had to have her.

Barrack Obama is Presidential all day but he would not be President without Michelle.

Marriage is life’s most difficult challenge, but it is also life’s most rewarding triumph. More and more of us each day are being raised in single parent households. Our parents are divorced so when we get married, divorce is automatically an option for our troubled marriage. Today’s generation is comfortable with divorce. Divorce is what we know. What we don’t know are the benefits of a successful marriage. How could we know the benefits of a successful marriage when many of us have neither witnessed nor reaped the benefits of a successful marriage?

Switching out relationship partners is becoming the norm but in Corporate America many people do not switch jobs for fear of losing their benefits. When you get the job you are told what the benefits are right up front. I wish marriage was like that. We go to the dentist, the doctor and we get our vision checked. We take advantage of our benefits. They have value to us. Job benefits make us stable employees. People keep jobs longer than they stay married these days because they have experienced the benefit of having a job but do not know the benefits of marriage. Here are just a few of some of the benefits of my marriage:

Benefits Of My Marriage

1.) We are going to build wealth.
2.) We are going to retire early (and kickit).
3.) We are going to pay off a house (a big house).
4.) We are going to have something to pass down to our children (greenbacks).
5.) We are going to be able to pay for college for our children.
6.) Our children will understand the benefits of marriage.
7.) We will have many, many, years of joy, happiness and peace. We will live longer than you.
8.) We are building a legacy. Fifty years from now a picture of my wife and I will be on t-shirts at the family reunion in our honor.
9.) Each of us will be loved until death do us part.
10.) We won’t have to date you.

Your problem is that you are too lazy to build yourself a spouse. You want to hear a knock at the door and then you want a ready-made perfect spouse to pop up and out of a box and start cutting the grass or frying chicken. The benefits listed above are not intrinsic to marriage. These benefits are not handed to you upon your signature on the marriage license. You have to desire, deserve and earn these benefits here baby! These benefits are acquired over time through compromise, negotiation and sacrifice. My wife and I are both hard to please because we have extremely high expectations of each other. These expectations maintain the balance in our marriage which ensures the benefits of our marriage.

Because I wrote a book many of you think that I have been perfect my whole life. My wife built me first.

She was better prepared to be in a relationship than I was when we met. She was patient with me but firm. She didn’t take no crap from me. The relationship was weird at first. I wasn’t used to not being able to do exactly what I wanted to do at my partner’s expense. I’ll never forget the day that she told me, “You do not get to love me the way that you want to love me. You have to love me the way that I need to be loved. What you are doing, what you are giving, is not good enough.” It made me take her seriously. She knew what she wanted, she wasn’t afraid to ask for it. Every chance I get, I pay my wife the highest compliment that I can by saying to other women, “I married the woman that I respected the most.” Don’t high five her yet, she wasn’t perfect.

THAT MOUTH! She had been hurt. She had little faith in men. She had not been loved properly. Instead of me being emotionally distraught over her tongue lashings I would calmly say to her, “Sit down somewhere woman. I am a grown man. Relax & Breathe.” I adjusted her attitude with my love. I restored her faith in men through my consistency. I told her that I loved her and that she need not worry over and over and over again until I broke her fever. (She had to be sick to assume that she was going to get away with talking crazy to me!)

She was a diamond in the rough. She needed to be polished. I built that. I was a diamond in the rough. I needed to be sanded. She built me.

We were demanding but we were patient. We knew what we wanted out of a partner but we were prepared to give in order to receive the benefits of marriage. I am extremely proud of our marriage. We didn’t get to a successfully, happily married by chance or luck. It was hard, hard, hard work. We have invested a lot of time and energy into each other before we got this thing on cruise control.

The purpose of this article is to encourage those of you who are married and struggling or single and afraid of marriage that it is possible to work through your problems. We have to get back to marriage being a long term commitment. It takes time for two to become one. We give up too easily. On Day #1, there are only a select few that are ready to be a great spouse. Some of us take longer than others but the temporary struggle is worth the long term benefits. I say that, “I Built My Wife From Scratch,” because she would not be the wonderful and amazing wife that she is today without me challenging her to grow. It was frustrating but she is better than I could have ever imagined. My momma made me a good man but my momma could not make me into a good husband. That woman did that to me. I would not be half the man that I am today without her touch. (Ouch!)

*Great Husbands & Wives are built during the marriage.

Love Capacity is the measure of your ability to provide, receive and be accountable for love. A person’s Love Capacity is defined by their observations and experiences with love. Marriages fail when spouses have different capacities to love. The purpose of the book is to expand the reader’s capacity to love. If we can close the Love Capacity gap between spouses we can save marriages, lots of them. The process of closing the Love Capacity gap starts with the completion of the standardized love testing tool called the Love Capacity Quiz. The quiz identifies what your Love Capacity is today to establish a starting point. Husbands and wives take the exact same quiz. The quiz was created from common statements that spouses make during relationship counseling.

Establishing which spouse was positive and which spouse was negative was key in determining the initial direction of the marriage counseling sessions.

The Love Capacity Quiz is a simulation of the real world process of counting how many positive statements that each spouse made during the marriage counseling sessions. You can take your quiz in 5 minutes, right now! Get ready for Valentine’s Day!

So have your boyfriend take the quiz and if he scores higher than you he could be a loving husband . . . or I guess you could be really, really bad at love. Let’s add a caveat. If he scores a “5” and you only score like a “2” let’s assume that my assertion does not apply to your relationship.

This research would support my principle that “All marriages are either successful or they fail based solely on the leadership of the man.” However, I can’t release this information to the public yet because I don’t have enough statistical data to back up my assertion. My sample size is too small. So I need some help. I need all husband/wives to take the #LoveCapacity Quiz and send me an email with the following information. Please send me the email even if you have talked to me about your marriage or if you have already sent me an email in the past. Please send the email in this format:

SUBJECT: Chose one of the following statuses for the subject of your email: “Happily Married” “Needs Work” or “Unhappy”

BODY: In the body of the email please provide this information:

Approximate Date of Quiz:

How long have you been married:

Married how many times:

How many children:

–

Husband’s Score:

How does the husband feel about his score:

How does the husband feel about his score description:

How does the wife feel about the husband’s score:

How does the wife feel about the husband’s score description:

–

Wife’s Score:

How does the wife feel about her score:

How does the wife feel about her score description:

How does the husband feel about the wife’s score:

How does the husband feel about the wife’s score description:

–

If you don’t remember your scores please take the #LoveCapacity Quiz again on http://www.LoveCapacity.com.

I you don’t remember your score description you may look up your description by clicking on this link: Score Description.

*Privacy Policy: Of course, as always, all information will remain private. Information is being gathered for research purposes only. Information will never be used for anything besides #LoveCapacity Data. No couples, husbands or wives will ever be named.

For the Love Capacity Score Definitions Click Here!

Since April 15^th I have collected 700 Love Capacity Quizzes form men.

The average Score for Men: 5 (4.84)

Love Capacity Score of 5 = Under Construction

Sometimes your relationships move too fast. Sometimes your relationships move too slow. Sometimes it’s them. Sometimes it’s you. I want the people who score a Love Capacity of 5 to do a better job of defining beforehand what they want out of a partner and a relationship. If you don’t know what you want, don’t date. If you know what you want, don’t change what you want based on the person that you are dating.

The average Score for Men that are Married: 5 (4.88)

The average Score for Men that are Divorced: 5 (4.85)

The average Score for Men that are Single, Never Married: 5 (4.82)

The average Score for Men that are Widowed: 5 (4.57)

The average Score for Men that earn less than $55,000: 5 (4.87)

The average Score for Men that earn more than $55,000: 5 (4.85)

The average Score for Men in the age group 25-34: 5 (4.88)

The average Score for Men in the age group 35-44: 5 (4.80)

Since April 15^th I have collected 3,700 Love Capacity Quizzes form Women.

The average Score for Women: 5 (4.76)

Love Capacity Score of 5 = Under Construction

Sometimes your relationships move too fast. Sometimes your relationships move too slow. Sometimes it’s them. Sometimes it’s you. I want the people who score a Love Capacity of 5 to do a better job of defining beforehand what they want out of a partner and a relationship. If you don’t know what you want, don’t date. If you know what you want, don’t change what you want based on the person that you are dating.

The average Score for Women that are Married: 5 (4.74)

The average Score for Women that are Divorced: 5 (4.75)

The average Score for Women that are Single, Never Married: 5 (4.82)

The average Score for Women that are Widowed: 5 (4.73)

The average Score for Women that earn less than $55,000: 5 (4.78)

The average Score for Women that earn more than $55,000: 5 (4.74)

The average Score for Women in the age group 25-34: 5 (4.73)

The average Score for Women in the age group 35-44: 5 (4.76)

There is virtually no difference in Love Capacity for any particular group. Male or female. Married or Divorced. Financially well off or low income. Ok so there is no difference in average scores for the different groups but is it not odd that no group scored higher than a “5”?  Interesting right? I bet that women and me are scoring the same for different reasons.

Why is the average score for a Man “5” – I will have to dig deeper into the data to provide a thorough answer to that question. My assumption is that Man is exactly where I thought they would be  . . .  but lower. (LOL! – Not funny though!) I want the average man to score a “7” on my Love Capacity Quiz. Man only scored a “5”. But you have to understand, I have a greater expectation of Man than Man has for himself. I would like for Man to score a “7” but I am not surprised by the “5”.

Why is the average score for a Woman “5 – I have to admit, I was surprised by this score. I thought that women would score a lot higher. My assumption is that the scores of Women are lower than expected because they are not healing from relationship disappointment. Women are having a tough time letting go and moving on and are a lot tougher on themselves when the relationship fails.

The Love Capacity Quiz is difficult. My belief system, core values and principles about dating, love, relationships and marriage are a lot higher than the average person. My belief system, core values and principles were derived from my experiences, observations and the counseling sessions that I have had with the hundreds of couples I have worked with over the past three years. With the book “Love Capacity ” I fully expect to change the way that we date and relate. I expect to increase our capacity to love one another and I expect to save the Institution of Marriage.

One day two unhappily married men were talking. One man, me, said to the other man “I think it’s us man, I think we just have to love them better. I can’t believe how much my wife loves me. I could never put up with the stuff that she has put up with in order to save our relationship. I have got to figure out how to love her more. I have got to figure out how to express more love toward her. I have got to set a higher priority on making sure that she feels loved.”

This conversation was the birth of the concept of the book “Love Capacity”.

The average man does not love at the same capacity as the average woman. Generally speaking, we are not as deep, not as passionate, not as dedicated. The problem with the Love Capacity of the man and woman being different is that the woman doesn’t find out about these differences until she is a wife. I have counseled hundreds of couples over the past three years. There was one thing common between most of the couples:

On the wedding day the wife believes that she is luckiest woman is the world. She is extremely happy with her choice to share her life with. Let’s say that her Love Capacity is a “10”. Let’s say that the husband’s Love Capacity on the same day is a “7”. Within the first three years of marriage the woman finds out that the man doesn’t love her the way that she loves him. His love for her is not as deep, not as passionate, not as dedicated. The disappointment of this new information negatively impacts her capacity to love. While her Love Capacity is on the decline, his Love Capacity is just now starting to increase.

The book “Love Capacity” is about getting the man and the woman’s capacity to match at some level and then getting them to increase their capacity to love at the same rate. The first step in this process is the Love Capacity Quiz. The data analysis from the quiz will provide the information needed to develop tools to positively impact a person’s Love Capacity.

I need 1,000 men to take the Love Capacity Quiz on http://www.LoveCapacity.com. As of right now, I am 250 male quizzes short of that mark. I need everyone to ask their male friends and family members to take the quiz. On Thursday I am going to release some of the data that I have acquired and analyzed so far. Here are some of the numbers that I am going to release:

Scores For Men:

Average Score for Men that are Married:

Average Score for Men that are Divorced:

Average Score for Men that are Single, Never Married:

Average Score for Men that are Widowed:

Average Score for Men that earn less than $55,000:

Average Score for Men that earn more than $55,000:

Average Score for Men in the age group 25-34:

Average Score for Men in the age group 35-44:

Scores For Women:

Average Score for Women that are Married:

Average Score for Women that are Divorced:

Average Score for Women that are Single, Never Married:

Average Score for Women that are Widowed:

Average Score for Women that earn less than $55,000:

Average Score for Women that earn more than $55,000:

Average Score for Women in the age group 25-34:

Average Score for Women in the age group 35-44:

The results are shocking. I was quite surprised. Makes sense though.

We left off last week with Scott preparing to give Michelle a heartfelt apology for the man and the husband that he has been in the past. Let’s jump right back in . . .

Scott, Michelle doesn’t believe in you anymore. I can’t believe you for her. You have to convince her yourself. And from the looks of things, this probably needs to be your last apology. Your last apology because you will be perfect for the rest of your life or because Michelle decides that she cannot forgive you. 3 . . . 2 . . . . 1 . . . GO!

“Michelle you know I love you, right . . .?”

Stop right there! This is not a time for you to ask Michelle questions. This is a time for you to tell Michelle how you feel and to tell Michelle why you will not make the same mistakes that you have made in the past. Tell Michelle what is going to be different about you in the future. 3 . . . 2 . . . . 1 . . . GO!

“Michelle I love you. I have always loved you. I have not always known how to express my love for you. Steven has taught me that love is an action. It is not just something that you say or feel, it is something that you show. I have learned that showing someone that you love them is something that requires consistency. I have not been consistent and that is something that I will correct immediately with the help of Steven.” (Scott looks at me. I look at Michelle . . . I wait for her response . . . nothing.)

That’s not good enough Scott. What else you got? Explain to Michelle how we talked about the reprioritization of your life.

“Michelle from this day forward you are my #1 priority. I am sorry that it has not been that way in the past. I was taught that my first family, my mother, father, brothers and sisters were more important than you. I know now that I was taught incorrectly. You are #1, #2 & #3 now. I will never again choose anyone in my family or anything in the world over you again. I am sorry. Please give me a chance to make it right.”

(Michelle says) “I refuse to believe you. I am afraid to believe you. I am afraid that if I allow you to hurt me again I will go crazy.” (Michelle starts to cry.) “I just can’t take this anymore. I’m sorry but I have to go.” (Michelle walks out.)

All we can do is give her some time and space Scott.

. . . Later that day Michelle moves out. A month later she files for a legal separation. I meet with Michelle a few times one on one but she cannot bring herself to forgive Scott. Three months later she files for divorce. I repeated said the Michelle, if you cannot forgive, you cannot be married. Michelle decided that she would rather be single then forgive her husband.

Every single marriage can be saved. My job as a Relationship Expert is to find the problem  and offer solutions to fix the problem. I have yet to counsel a couple where I couldn’t pinpoint the root cause of the unhappiness in the relationship. It is just too often that the husband or wife does not want to work hard enough to fix the problem. All I can do is lead couples to the water. (If they sign a waiver I can make them drink the water.) People that I counsel always say to me, “Marriage doesn’t have to be this hard.” To that I say, “Marriage is not hard, what you are doing right now is admitting that the role of being a husband or a wife is too hard for you!

How are we doing today Michelle?

“I just don’t think that you can fix our marriage Steven. I am so angry at him. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to talk to him. I just want him to go away. Of the three things that you laid out in order for me to grant forgiveness, he has only done one! That one is contacting you and I don’t know how much credit I can give him for that because he has contacted counselors before and nothing has ever changed. He has not shown me any remorse. He has not changed. He cannot recommit until he has changed.”

He has taken full responsibility for all of the troubles in your marriage. That is the first step in my process of developing leadership within a man. I have talked to Scott a number of times since you and I last talked. If it is ok with you, I would like to invite him in right now . . .

“He is here?”

I knew it would be necessary for him to apologize to you in person so I asked him to come back and meet with us again today. Is that ok?

“I guess, if he is here.”

Come on in Scott. I have this list in front of me of 54 things that you have done wrong to your wife. Were you aware that she had this many problems with you?

“I know that she is mad at me about a bunch of stuff but I had no idea that it was that much.”

You have been a horrible, horrible husband. No woman should be subject to the things that you have put Michelle through. You let your family question Michelle while she was pregnant on if the baby was yours?!?!? Are you serious? Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you defend her? What were you doing? You were sitting right there, right?

“Yes, I was. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe that they said that to her. I was in shock. I couldn’t say any thing. I know I should have said something. That was my fault.”

As her husband you are responsible for her security, safety and protection from all things and everyone including you and your family. By not defending Michelle what you did was say to both her and your family that your marriage comes second.

“I know. If I could go back in time and fix it, I would. Man I have messed up a lot. I have apologized. I am learning. I’m sorry. Just tell me what to do and I will do it because I love my wife today more than I have ever loved her before and I know that everything is my fault.”

Don’t tell me. Tell her. We need from you right now the most heart-felt apology that you can deliver. Look her in the eye and tell her how you feel. Can you do that? We are looking for remorse here, Scott.

Do you think Scott is going to be able to deliver a heartfelt apology? Do you think Michelle will believe him? This should be interesting! Tune in next week for more of “The Divorce Is Not An Option Project.”

As I reviewed the list of problems that Michelle had with her husband Scott I only had one thing on my mind. How can I convince Michelle that none of these problems will ever happen again? I can teach Scott. Training men to be husbands is not a problem for me. As I reviewed the list again and again looking for an angle, searching for a place to start I noticed that a majority of the issues took place before Michelle and Scott were married. They have been married for 6 years! She has been holding on to these issues for six or more years? WOW! I immediately called Michelle and let her know that when you get married, you start over. You wipe the slate clean. You can’t bring anything outside of the marriage into the marriage.

Hello Michelle this is Steven James Dixon. Is this a good time to talk?

 “Yeah, sure.”

I am reviewing your list here and noticed that you have 54 items. Please hear me out when I say that having 54 complaints about your husband is too many complaints. Many of your complaints are extremely valid and are things that I will discuss in detail with your husband but some I feel are a bit nitpicky. (I say this in the most sensitive tone that I can.)

“He did those things to me. You can’t take that from me. They all hurt, I remember them all and I am not forgiving him for doing those things to me.”

Michelle, you have to forgive him. In marriage, forgiveness is not an option. When you agreed to marry him, what you did was say to him, “I love you enough that I am confident that when you make a mistake I can forgive you and we will work through the problem.” You did not believe that he was perfect when you married him did you?

“No, I didn’t think he was perfect.”

If you knowingly married an imperfect person then you also knew that person would make mistakes. When you say, “I DO,” what you are really saying is, “I DO LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO FORGIVE YOU FOR YOUR MISTAKES.” If you don’t love a person enough to forgive them then you should not marry that person. We all make mistakes. We all will need our partner’s forgiveness. Now depending on what your partner does wrong, he or she may need to get counseling and re-commit to the marriage but not being able to forgive in marriage is unacceptable. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a decision. You won’t wake up tomorrow and feel like forgiving him. It is your obligation as a spouse to forgive once your spouse has met a certain criteria to earn your forgiveness. Now you can set the criteria that will be necessary for you to feel comfortable but that criteria must be realistic and achievable. You don’t have to forgive Scott today. Forgiveness is not automatic, it is definitely earned. Scott has got some apologizing to do and some learning to do and then he can get to earning.

“I don’t think I can do that, why should I do that? You are giving him a free pass!!!” (She says this angrily.)

No you gave him a free pass when you married him. I believe that all spouses can be forgiven for anything if they show remorse, agree to get counseling and agree to recommit themselves to their marriage. Next week we will discuss if Scott has met that criteria.

–

Your #LoveCapacity Score Is:  1 = Self Centered

Your observations and experiences with love have taught you to protect your heart. You are not happy but you are convinced that if you are happy, then everyone else will be happy. You ask for more than you are willing to give. You think of you first. It is difficult for you to consider the feelings of someone else at this time.

Your #LoveCapacity Score Is: 2 = Damaged

You lack confidence that you will ever have a successful relationship. You do not trust the opposite sex to match your ability to provide, receive and be accountable for love. Take some time to heal from your emotional disappointments. You are angry and hurt and you stayed far too long in a very bad relationship. Without healing and forgiveness you will never accomplish true love.

Your #LoveCapacity Score Is: 3 = Confused

You are better at receiving love than you are at giving love. You have the ability to love at a greater capacity but you don’t because of your preconceived notations about relationships (All the men are dogs / All of the women want my money.) All of your attention is focused on your belief that the opposite sex is incapable of loving you when in actuality it is you who is not prepared to love freely.

Your #LoveCapacity Score Is:  4 = Afraid

You are adamantly against taking any emotional risk. You are not only afraid to love, you are also afraid of being loved because of your fear of letting your guard down. In each of your past relationships you purposely hold back or you believe that your partner is purposely holding back. To expand your Love Capacity you will have to learn from your relationship mistakes and trust yourself not to make the same mistakes in the future.

Your #LoveCapacity Score Is: 5 = Chameleon

You need to put in the work of defining beforehand what you want out of a partner and a relationship. If you do not know what you want, do not date. If you know what you want, don’t change what you want based on the person that you are dating. Your Love Capacity will expand when you gain more relationship discipline. (Not dating the hot guy or the hot girl when your heart craves someone more intellectual.)

Your #LoveCapacity Score Is: 6 = Dater

You are of a dating mindset. You are somewhat indifferent on your desires for a relationship. Sometimes you want a relationship, sometimes you can see yourself easily walking away. You evaluate your relationships on a day to day basis which is ultimately bad for the long term stability of a relationship. Your Love Capacity will not expand until you stop waiting for your partner to make a mistake.

Your #LoveCapacity Score Is: 7 = Friend

Starting a relationship is easy for you, but can you sustain a relationship?  You trust yourself more mentally than you do emotionally. However, true and lasting love requires that you feel and trust your gut instincts. The love for your significant other is friendly and lacks passion. To expand your Love Capacity you will have to learn that you cannot control love.

Your #LoveCapacity Score Is: 8 = Lover

You are prepared to risk being hurt from loving another person. Acknowledging this risk is a big step in the development of one’s ability to love unconditionally. Either you are in a loving relationship now or you are confident that you will be a part of a loving relationship in the future. To expand your Love Capacity you will have to learn that love is a gift.

Your #LoveCapacity Score Is: 9 = Fiancé

Receiving love, giving love and taking responsibility for receiving love are three separate stages of love. You have mastered all three stages. You understand that your actions can cause your loved ones pain. Expanding your Love Capacity will only come with experience. Some things about love can only be learned through trial and error

Your #LoveCapacity Score Is: 10 = Spouse

You have maxed out your “Love Capacity.” You are able to provide, receive and be accountable for an unconditional, forgiving, profoundly tender, passionate affection toward another person for the rest of his or her life. You have the best foundation possible to have a successful marriage.

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The detailed explanation of the scoring system and advice on how to increase your capacity to love can only be found in the #LoveCapacity Book. Release date: Spring 2013. Thank you in advance for taking your #LoveCapacity Quiz!