January is divorce month. More divorces are filed in the month of January than in any other month during the year. February is the second most popular month for divorce. Many experts (me) say that these months are popular for breakup and divorce because of the emotions involved starting with Thanksgiving and running through Valentine’s Day. Many times in relationships the holidays are a time to decide if you are “IN” or “OUT” of the relationship. Divorce, breakups, arguments, emotions, verbal and physical abuse all have a greater potential of taking place during this time. Men Don’t Heal, We Ho is about the emotional instability of men because the emotional stability of the man is the key ingredient to having a successful relationship. An emotionally stable man is able to commit, to love, to cherish, to withstand, to compromise, to trust, to sacrifice and to understand that violence toward a woman is totally unacceptable and inexcusable. Now that Men Don’t Heal, We Ho is in an audio format available for download on iTunes right now there is a tool available to men that will help them learn how to manage their emotions.
Last week I talked to three men that hit their wives. All three men claim to love their wives and claim to want to save their marriages. Any man that would hit a woman is in fact not a man, he is a male. He is disgusting. A man that would hit a woman is a punk. It was extremely difficult for me to talk to these men because I really just wanted to challenge them to a fight. Any man that stands by and witnesses a man hitting a woman is also a punk. I considered the possibility of me helping a man save his marriage only to have that man hit his woman again or worse, take her life. I did not want to talk to them. I did not want to help them. I became angry, I couldn’t help them. I didn’t know how to help them. I convinced myself to just allow them to talk, to vent, and to confess.
I was able to listen without throwing up. I took notes. As I compared notes about what was common about the conversations a couple of statements kept jumping out at me.
“I just lost it.”
“I apologized and she won’t get over it.”
“I will never do it again.”
It dawned on me that during the building of my anger towards these three cowards that I had not considered their families. God has blessed me with the ability to help save marriages. I am not to judge or to be angered, I am to help. My charge is to help. I challenged myself to help. I reached out to their three wives and one called me back. I 
listened to her explain to me how embarrassed she was to walk around with a black eye that her husband gave her. She said that she still loves her husband and that she wanted her marriage to work but she was afraid that he would hit her again. She motivated me even more to help. I promised her that I was going to help save her marriage. I asked her to give me the opportunity to help change her husband. She said that she would. I called her husband and this is what I said to him:
“The first responsibility of a man is to protect his family and keep them safe from harm. You know that and she knows that. When you put your hands on her what you did is take away her protection. She is no longer under your protection. She has to protect herself now. She has to protect herself from you. She is no long safe now. She is no longer safe when she is with you. You become the biggest threat to her. How can she love you? She cannot love you the way she once did, she cannot forgive you and your relationship will not get back on track until she is comfortable again. Picture this:
It is 2AM in the morning. You are awakened to the tapping of cold metal on your incisors. She has a gun in your mouth. Now you don’t have any protection. Now you are not safe. She lets you live. She asks for your forgiveness.
“She just lost it.”
“She apologized and expects you to just get over it.”
“She claims that she will never do it again.”
I can kill a woman with my bear hands. I am 225 pounds and I used to be all muscle. If I so chose, I could end my wife’s life in 60 seconds. My hands to her are like her gun to me. She too could end my life in 60 seconds.
“Ask yourself, what would make you rest easy with your wife lying in bed with you the next evening? What would make you comfortable again? What would make you relax? What would make you forgive? What could she say? What could she do? You have to find that out? You have to answer that question. You have to tell her how she could make it right with you. And whatever that is, YOU HAVE GOT TO DO IT FOR HER! Whatever it would take for you to forgive her for putting a gun in your mouth in the middle of the night, that is what you have to do for her.
Enroll in anger management classes as soon as possible. Not only do you need the help, she needs to know that you are getting help. Get my book. You just didn’t know how to be a husband. I explain in my book in great detail how to be a husband. I explain in my book what is expected of you as a husband. I am here for you. You call me for anything. I am going to help you save your marriage.”
I called the other two men back and I said this to them. All three said that they now understand. All three will complete their anger management class.
The audio book for Men Don’t Heal, We Ho – A Book About The Emotional Instability of Men is the ULTIMATE Gift for both Men & Women that keeps on giving and giving! Available now on iTunes!
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Other Articles That You May Enjoy!
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Steven James Dixon
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“Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” – Paperback – Click Here.
“Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” – AudioBook – Click Here.
“Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” – eBook – Click Here.
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That is a really nicely written blog. It requires time and effort to jot down this kind of lovely blog and also this is precisely why I return here often to read. The content is well written and resonate with folks. The summer months are now almost here and that is a great time for these kinds of blogs as people want quality stuff in small amount of time
I believe that a great amount of men’s emotional problems stem from so many men being raised by women; and that’s even when the fathers are there. Women have an inextricable relationship with their sons. Boys are emotionally attached to their mothers and if the father does not show-up to, in some way balance that out the male child is in trouble.
Women’s lib and traditional roles being changed don’t help the problem. Male dose need a healthy dose of male direction from their fathers, if their fathers have it to give. Many guys are products of homes where the father is gone and the mother is left with trying to raise a child that while diapering and “doting” on the boy might feel good to them, that little boy will not remain someone you can continue to give him this kind of “emotional misguidance” without great detriment.
So when women wake-up and realize they are a great part of the problem with men’s emotional stability problems is when the problem will begin to be abated. Women were never meant to be the primary handlers of little boys. It is hoped that that little guy is the child of a man that the woman respects and loves, so that he is allowed to engage his son as this should take place. Otherwise, if the relationship has disintegrated all that happens is that little boy becomes a project that the mother is “hell-bent” on making sure the child doesn’t become like his father and this is usually where the problem lies.
I’m curious to know more examples of what an emotionally unstable man characteristics are? I think abuse is definitely #1 indicator of emotional instability and I do believe that there are usually more underlying issues when it comes to abuse. However, what are some of those subtle clues that come out in the dating phase?
I’ve dated men that made me want to enroll in med school and study psychiatry because I was certain the writings on the wall was not just abstract art. Also, this blog peaks my curiousity because using men and emotions in the same sentence is somewhat exotic for me; however, I do realize that it is an apodictic statement.
I’m hungry for more!!!