Good day, Bossip fam! As promised, we are re-introducing you to Steven James Dixon, author of the book, “Men Don’t Heal We Ho,” a Book About the Emotional Instability of Men. After receiving and reading the book, we had to talk to him as we learned he had scripted his experiences with women and marriage and sent it to the press. With chapters that will resonate in the depths of your psyche, Dixon leaves no room for question in this in-depth chronicle of his personal struggles with being a husband after unapologetically “ho”ing. His message is true and the best part, perhaps, is his willingness to share his thoughts and emotions with raw honesty. We had the chance to explore Dixon’s thought process and it’s reminiscent of long chats with an older brother who will never steer you in the wrong direction. No questions go unanswered without brutal candor that cannot be argued – it’s no wonder people would seek the ‘Relationship Beast’s’ opinion. It’s foolproof and simple enough to apply to your love life. Many topics are worthy of discussion, so, please take a look and share your thoughts below! To read the first part of our interview with Mr. Dixon, click here!
Bossip: To pick up where we left off there’s an excerpt from your book that we’d like for you to explain.
“They have put themselves in a competition they can’t win because I don’t want any of them to win! I hate of them. All of them will lose, because I lost.” –Men Don’t Heal, We Ho
Bossip:You said that, at a certain point in your life, you were angry and at women. Can you explain your sentiment, please?
Dixon: All women, I felt, were hoes. Those feelings derived from my disappointment, my frustration and my emotional instability. I just felt like all women were no good, they were out to get me and I had to get them first … that was really based on me being hurt. I was in a place where I said, “I can’t let them hurt me again, so, I’ll never open myself up to be hurt again and whatever I do to them is whatever.”
Bossip: It seems like a lot of men who are hurt by that one woman are scarred! Do you think this attributes to the lack of aspiration to get married or be settled in a sturdy relationship? Seems like dating is a forever game now …
Dixon: Dating is ruining a lot of our relationships and marriages. When we’re dating, we don’t build. I’ll explain. When we’re dating and we get upset, we leave. So when we’re married and we get upset, we can’t leave. When you’re married and can’t leave what happens? Folks go complaining to their single friends saying, “hey, don’t get married. It’s too much. Stay single forever.” But, marriage isn’t the problem, it’s an institution created by God. The problem is, we don’t develop problem solving skills and so people are stuck in unhappy marriages. I teach people how to solve their problems! And so I tell people, “come on, you have a problem and you can fix it.”
Bossip: Okay, so dating is the problem? You do have to date in order to secure a marriage, so what do you suggest as a healthy method to choosing a partner for marriage?
Dixon: Well, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date, I’m saying dating shouldn’t have the negative affect that it has on marriage that it does today. Our priorities have shifted which is good and bad. For example, we are running around trying to be the best doctor, the best lawyer, the best rapper and have no inclination to want to be the best husband. That is not the goal for so many men … and women. How many people have you heard say, “I’m good at everything I do except for marriage or being a good boyfriend or girlfriend.” That was me! That was my way of thinking and I had to change that!
Bossip: Well, love and relationships are just as simple as they are complex, right? So, was it an easy turnaround for you?
Dixon: The reason why I was good at everything else except for marriage is because I didn’t apply the same principles or pour the same energy into my personal relationships as I did my professional ones. Like, you for example, you’ll stay up until four in the morning to research or write an article but would you stay up until four in the morning trying to figure out how to be a better wife? Too often, in marriages, I run into people who are treating their spouse as good as they feel they deserve on that day. What, because you’re mad at your spouse, you’re not going to cook dinner? That’s not okay. If you’re committed to being the best husband or wife, your spouse shouldn’t have to earn good treatment.
Bossip: This is true! Do you get these sort of complaints from men mostly? Or women too?
Dixon: Women, easily. I think it’s because they’re more frustrated. Men only come around and want to talk when they’re really trying to save their relationship or marriage. And I always refer back to my principle, a relationship is successful or fails based upon the leadership of the man. If you are a good leader and if you are a good husband, she will be a good wife! Men don’t like it when I say that and they get mad but I tell them, “you go be a good husband and watch what happens.”
Bossip: Have you had any testimonials from men, so far?
Dixon: Men have always came back to me and said that they agreed one-hundred percent but the problem was getting their woman on board because, sometimes, they have done so much wrong. So, then it goes back to the woman – when you say you’re going to marry a man you’re saying that you’re willing to forgive him for the mistakes he’s made. I tell women all the time, “hey, if this guy is coming to you, apologized and wants to get help and you believe that he’s going to put forth an effort, then you’re committing to trying.”
Bossip: Do you think women “commit to trying” too soon?
Dixon: Yes, women act like they’re married when they’re dating. I tell women, “whatever you let a man do to you while you’re single is your fault.” A man has to prove, through his actions, that he’s ready to be in a serious relationship versus telling you what you want to hear. Women don’t understand that we are trained to tell y’all what you want to hear.
Bossip: Wow, that’s impossible to argue. But why tell women what they want to hear instead of the truth?
Dixon: Men have a very, very difficult time telling a woman, “I don’t want to see you anymore.”
Bossip: Oh, please! Why? This hardly seems to be the case in this day and age.
Dixon: Because why would we give up good sex?
Bossip: Because there’s plenty more out there! This is the Facebook, text message, digital era! There’s plenty more “good sex” out there to be had and it’s, literally, at your fingertips!
Dixon: Well, now that’s true! And I’m just going to keep it real, ladies should never, ever send naked pictures of herself to a man because he’s going to show it to all of his friends.
Bossip: That’s so uncool on so many levels!
Dixon: It is! What’s happening is, men are advancing faster than women at “the game.” It’s mainly because we want two different things. Women can’t advance as fast as we can because you want relationships and long-term stability. We want sex. Our goal and what we’re trying to get is a lot easier to map out even if it means lying to you. “Yeah, I love you. Yeah. I’m going to call you, I am. I promise.” You tell us what you want and you tell us what you need but you don’t make us prove those things you just allow us to claim or say to you that we feel like that about you. Once we do that, you open up and give us all that you have to offer and we don’t want anything from you but your sex. That is why women have to define their own value instead of leaving that up to man.
Bossip: So, are you an advocate of celibacy until marriage?
Dixon: No. I’m not telling women not to have sex, that’s between her and God. I’m biblical an all, but it’s unrealistic to tell someone not to have sex. But I have to say this, women have got to practice safe-sex, religiously! Men would never do that! All men are in agreement that we don’t know why women do that. Why do women allow men to have unprotected sex with them? Do you think a man would have unprotected sex with a woman if he could get pregnant? He would never take that chance! Have our bodies all jacked up a what not, we’re not doing that. Woman aren’t getting the fact that men have the ability to physically get up and walk away.
Bossip: Is this a part of the thought process when men make reckless decisions?
Dixon: You know what? A man doesn’t have an emotional connection with a child until it is born. Women have nine months of intimacy with the unborn baby and when the child is birthed, she’s in love already. Baby daddy’s connection doesn’t start until the birth, while Mom has a nine month advantage over him. You spent every day of that nine months with the child and now you have a situation where you’re not living with the father and he’s not there 24 hours a day, seven- days-a-week. So, if you decide to go your own separate ways, the bond is not there between the man and that child to keep him there – to bring him home. Too many men don’t develop that bond and that’s not always the man’s fault. But the bottom line is, we have to stop having babies out of wedlock.
Bossip: Since we’re on the subject, what about single moms? Any dating pointers for them?
Dixon: I just wrote an article about women getting pregnant. Now, when you’re a single woman and you get pregnant for a man that’s unstable, you lose at least three years of your life. You lose a year being pregnant and trying to salvage the relationship. Then, the second year you sit around trying to figure out if you all are going to make it. Year three, he’s with someone else and you’re like, “wow, he’s with someone else, I can’t believe we’re not going to be together.” So, finally, in the fourth year, you say “okay, I gotta move on.” A lot of women go through this. You’re wasting you’re life! When you acknowledge that a man doesn’t want to be with you, you have to move on. Move on! And, I’m not saying move on to another man but move on away from him. That’s why I tell women all the time, “you gotta do you.” A woman has to do her all the time! Men do them all day, easy. You never have to tell a man to “do you” because he already is, know that.
Ladies and Gents, does Dixon live up to his moniker, “The Relationship Beast?” Please share your thoughts below!
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