In my brainstorming sessions about this Queens article I kept writing about respect and how men don’t give enough to women and how women are not demanding it and how that issue alone is ruining millions of relationships every day. So I wanted to write about why men should respect women. But I didn’t think it would be enough to just say, “Men should respect women.” I wanted to start from scratch and explain why men should respect women and more importantly, why women should respect themselves. I found it necessary to write about the makeup of a Queen so a man could know exactly what he is getting when he finds his Queen. I also found it critical to say to women that whether or not you are a Queen is completely up to you. If you are missing something in your makeup that makes you feel less than Queen-like, you can acknowledge that fact yourself and work on it. Never let another person define who you are.
When I think of a Queen, I don’t think of a woman sitting beside a King. A Queen can be independent of a King. When I think of a Queen, I think of her royalty, her elegance, her style, her grace, her strength, her high sense of self respect and her ability to give life. Every King either has or is looking for a Queen. Every Queen is either ready for a King or ready to continue life without a King. The crowning ceremony for a Queen is like the icing on the cake but the cake was good without the icing. Pound cake is the most popular cake in the world. Another commonality between Queens and cakes is that they both have ingredients. Ingredients that you add at just the right time and you need just the right amounts. You combine, you bake and then you wait and then the cake rises or the woman evolves. You don’t want the cake to be too soft or too hard and, likewise, you don’t want the Queen to be too soft or too hard. Let’s talk about the ingredients in a woman and how those ingredients make her a Queen.
A Man or a King or a Husband does not make a woman a Queen. Being female doesn’t make you a
Queen either and no you are not born a Queen. You are born a Princess. QueenMaking starts young so it’s impossible for your Man, King or Husband to make you a Queen because we are busy working on our own potty training thang at that time. QueenMaking starts with Mom and Dad loving on you. Love is the first ingredient in a Queen. You learn what love is first because you are going to share love one day. One day you will be your family’s source of love. Love will come from you. Love is what turns a man’s house into a home so you have to have it, you have to know it, you have to be able to give it and you have to know what it feels like to receive it. I am not saying that you need a man or a family. I am saying that the Queen is PREPARED to love both man and family.
During adolescence you pick up another ingredient, your femininity. You figure out that you are not man, you are woman. Man and woman are different. Femininity is your sensitivity, your caring, your concern, your patience. It is what gives you the ability to be empathic. You can feel other’s pain. You want to help. These traits are the makings of a great friend.
As a young woman you gain an ingredient that is in some cases good, some cases bad. That ingredient is your independence. You acknowledge, accept, agree, understand that you don’t *NEED* any man. Not needing a man is a state not an expression. You don’t have to tell nobody that you don’t need a man and you are comfortable in knowing that a man does not make you a woman so a man cannot make you a Queen either. You are flexible. You can adjust to your man. You watched momma, you learned and now you can be momma. Being momma just doesn’t mean that you can cook and clean or raise kids, it also means that you now understand your role as a Helper. Not a savior, a Helper. You know how to add value to a man’s life. You start your metamorphosis to becoming the Queen, you are getting ready for your King. Being ready is a state not an expression. It’s just like being ready for a fight. You don’t go looking for a fight, you are just ready if somebody brings it! Being ready for your King does not mean that you have to have a King. It means that if you are presented with a King, you are ready to be Queen.
But before you become Queen or join with a King you have to have that last ingredient. The last ingredient in your makeup is self respect. Some women stay in a state of “Readiness for a King” so this last ingredient of self respect never gets added. They are so ready for their King that they stop Queen development. Too many women think that their own self respect is a gift from a man. You are not a Queen if you think this way. A Queen demands respect. (There is one way to demand respect. You don’t ask for it, you leave or the person being disrespectful toward you limps away.) “Guards! Hold that there man down while I kick him!” If you are in a relationship and you don’t respect yourself then the man does not respect you either. A man will pay you as much respect as you demand. Self respect is the last ingredient because you have to know yourself to have it. When you know yourself, it doesn’t matter what someone else thinks about you. If they think differently about you, then you know that they are crazy. When you know yourself, you know how much your . . . self deserves.
Now that we know what a Queen is it’s time to discuss how a man should treat this Queen in next week’s Relationship Report! LOL! I know, I know, I know that we were supposed to hit on that a little this week but the spirit moved me to give this to you today first! In next week’s Relationship Report I am going to speak directly to men and tell them “Having A Queen Is Grown Man Business!” I am going to give men five scenarios and exactly what to do when those scenarios take place.