Stay Married Or Die Trying

Steven James Dixon August 16, 2011 Comments

Steven James Dixon is in possession of the absolute best credential necessary to be successful as a relationship expert: He has actually saved a marriage – his own. There are a couple of principles that Steven developed that assisted him in saving his marriage. These principles address the core issues of most of the marriages that are in trouble today. All marriages can be saved.

1. Divorce Cannot Be An Option – Once a spouse begins to think about divorce the chance of the marriage surviving is slim to none. The human mind cannot contemplate divorce and create resolutions for problems within the marriage at the same time. Divorce will win out. Steven says, “When I am counseling a couple I inform them during the first session that they will not be getting a divorce.”

2. Spousal Priority – There are too many spouses that are in a competition for the love and affection of their better half. Marriage is the most important company, corporation, institution, organization, union or unit there is. Bar none. Nothing else is even close. Steven teaches couples the following relationship hierarchical structure: 1.) God 2.) Spouse 3.) Spouse 4.) Vacant 5.) The rest of the world. Even if you are not a Christian, you get the point. Steven says, “In terms of the importance in my life, nothing comes close to my wife. Her importance in my life is not based on her person. Her importance is based on her title and my vows. I think that I am the only person in the world that feels like this.”

3. Men Have To Lead By Example – Men are not being taught to lead. Women are not being taught to follow. Marriage is on the job training. In many counseling sessions the husband or wife may not get to talk much . . . because they need to be listening and taking notes for the life application quiz. What makes me a relationship expert is that I don’t let couples come into my office and complain to me about their marriage. There is nothing wrong with the institution of marriage. There is something wrong with the husband and/or there is something wrong with the wife. I teach men that the women are watching them. I teach men that if he is a good husband then she will follow his example and be a good wife.

4. Men, You Have To Make Her Smile – This “Smile Theory” is the key to everything. Make her smile. Make her laugh. Make sure that she enjoys life with you. This “Smile Theory” is also known as DoingTheThingsThatYouDidToGetHer.

5. Women, He Has To Have Sex – At the annual “Husbands Who Cheat Caucus” (HWCC) 90% of the men who are currently cheating said that if they were getting the same sex after the wedding date that they were getting before the wedding date that they would not be cheating. The caucus theme is that she should be DoingTheThingsThatSheDidToGetHim. (HWCC location & dates never to be disclosed.)

Steven James Dixon is about saving marriages.

P.S. If your marriage is bad, it’s your fault.

_

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Comments

  1. Tammy says:

    Thank you so much sir- you have given me such good advice in this blog, and even though you have not given me advice face to face, This will really help me before, and after I get married. I wish you could give these messages in every city, state, and church- I will definetely pass the word to my friends about your column.

    1. Albert says:

      Okay I agree, but what about a “Blended Family Marriage” what do you have for those problems Mister? I have one and it has become a ‘Nightmare” for me and my son. My wife and her daughter came into our live and I accepted both of them. My wife has not acceted (Love) my son as I have acceted (show love) her daughter.

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  5. Jankball says:

    Good job Dixon, to tell these independent women, “how to wheeled the stick”…….. That’s if they can ;–(

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  7. Al says:

    Thank you very much for this wonderful advice to married people trying to stay married regardless of how things may seem, God Bless you my brother!

  8. Shonte says:

    It has been an extreme pleasure to read this wonderfully, well written passage. This is real talk for those who some day want to have a union of husband and wife, or those seeking guidance to restore their marriage. This has opened my eyes, but it also made me look at the inner me. Marriage isn’t something you can just hop into because it feels good at the moment. There’s a lot at stake, and you cannot do it alone. Some couples lose sight of the friendship they had prior to getting married, so not cool! You have to remember that when you’re friends you share more and you are less likely to judge. It seems that once you put a label on on the friendship to be more, something changes. Sometimes change can be good, and it is always constant, so should the friendship and the love for each other…..constant and unconditional love. If God is not in the forefront of the friendship or the marriage, it can be domed from the start.

    Thank you

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  10. Nicole says:

    You mentioned the order of placement in the marriage being God, spouse, and then others. You did not mention children. Where do children place according to you. I agree with God being first, but after God, my children are the most important people in the world to me.

    1. sjDixon says:

      Children are 5th with everything else. Having a happy spouse is more important than happy a happy child. When done right, both mommy and daddy are happy. The children being happy is a byproduct of mommy and daddy being happy. The marriage comes first. If you put the kids first and a spouse leaves, the kid will be less happy that he doesn’t have both parents.

    2. Adriana says:

      Hello Nicole,

      I am 30 years old and married with 2 kids, yet my husband will always come before my kids. Biblically, this appears to be the correct order. I agree though that he should have mentioned children after our hubbies though. We are considered to be “ONE” with only our spouses, not our kids. Our role as parents is limited, because once they are adults, they will become “ONE” with someone also.. Just My View Point.

      Take Care

    3. Valerie says:

      This should be your spouse because children will grow up an leave but you spouse will be there

      God, self, spouse, children, family/friends, work this should be the order of what’s important

  11. Adriana says:

    I feel I can also write a book on marriage based on my 12 year relationship, and 9 year marriage with my husband. And we are both only 30. I think the fact that we loved early and have been able to grow up together in the process has definitely helped us. And the fact that we are both God fearing..I disagree that just because you consider divorce, it’s doomed. I have considered divorce on multiple occasions. And each time, I have expressed those feelings with my husband. Together we have worked to mend the issues causing those feelings. As long as love abides, you maintain a healthy regular sex life, and you keep communication open…You have a much greater chance of succeeding.

  12. Simone says:

    I agree with what you said Adriana. Yet, my big questions is…… How do you handle a marriage of only a few years which basically ends after a minor argument? I have 2 kids from a previous marriage, and they completely respect their step-dad – yet he just leaves us. I respect him very much, I take very good care of myself by working out and staying fit and yes, good sex was on the regular. I did everything for him – yet he was consumed in his work at his school – never having time for us. I am a spirit -filled woman that loves her husband and believes that marriage is 2nd to God, then your children. He goes from pampering me, and I him – to running away to his controlling father’s house after an argument – where he’s been for the past 6 months. He refuses counseling, does not help me with the mortgage/bills at all, and has not gone to church since he left. I’m now starting to wonder if Divorce IS the only option in our case. I want to move forward, but WOW – I’m a beautiful married woman that has not made love to her husband in over 6 MONTHS! Talk to me, PLEASE! He tells me there is no one else and I have prayed to no end – but something’s gotta give. I’m tired of being ignored.

    1. Uncle Zo says:

      Simone….Wow!! I cant begin to wonder how (( according to you )) that with such a nice & warm family,that a husband can engulf himself in work then run off to his parents [ Matthew 19:5 ~ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ ] and abandon his ”Family”.
      But allow me to say this…The Devil Is Busy !!! When the Devil comes to attack a marriage and realizes that he cant shake or break one,he will then go to the weaker vessel. God honors marriage…the devil dosent. I think that your Husband has a veil over his eyes.
      Stay in CONSTANT,constant prayer for & with your family. There is ”NOTHING” that God cant fix. I need you to ”speak” your husband back and believe that God will do….exactly what he said he would do !!

  13. Natasha says:

    Steve, I have a blended family, married almost 7 years. We have a teenager (my biological) and a preschooler. It has been strained from day one – lack of effective communication, verbal/mental abuse towards me & our oldest son when things are not what he wants/needs them to be. What he asks and desire us to do and/or change in our house is not bad, but it’s jus the WAY he says it, so….mean spirited. It is VERY hard to follow his leading in our home. Continuous negativity and strife in the home (no matter how my oldest son & I try to keep silent and go into another room), he follows us with strife. He complains about everything but I must admit I add to it in regards to our finances. I’m not so good, he’s great with it, so we clash BIG TIME! I’ve tried to fix the financial situation but to no avail. I am seriously considering Debtors Anonymous. but that’s not our only issue, though he would make it seem as so…..help!?