The D.I.N.A.O. Project (Divorce Is Not An Option) is about making people stay married. Ok, that’s a little strong. The D.I.N.A.O. Project is about not allowing people to get a divorce. Ok, that’s just as strong. One more time . . . The D.I.N.A.O. Project is about imparting upon married folk a mindset that all marriages can be saved, fixed and re-adjusted so that both parties can live happily ever after. Once couples accept D.I.N.A.O. as law (You guys are lucky that my current Congressman blew me off! I am not voting for him in the next election!), the couple can then deliberate until they come up with a fair compromise. I believe that couples can be happy again if they can get divorce off of their minds. There are too many couples that are just hanging around contemplating divorce. Your marriage cannot grow or be joyful if you are thinking about divorce all day every day. D.I.N.A.O. is about saying to couples, “You are not getting a divorce anyway so you might as well figure out how to be happy together!” Compromise! Compromise! Compromise! Marriages, relationships, partnerships, agreements, contracts are all negotiable. Sometimes you have to give more, sometimes you have to take less but every one wins when we save a marriage.
After a radio interview one day, I received an email from a husband named Scott. Scott heard me on the radio and asked me to help save his marriage. (When men email me and ask for help, I call them back immediately. If a man is asking for help, I know that he is ready to do whatever it takes to save his marriage. I predict that I will have his marriage on track by mid-afternoon. Easy.) Scott explains that his marriage is in trouble. His wife is very unhappy and she is talking about leaving him. She is leaving him and she is the one that cheated!!! I tell him right up front:
I would not leave my Wife if she cheated on me if she agreed to go to counseling and recommit herself to our marriage. Divorce is not an option. We are going to fix you and save your marriage. I believe that all marriages are either successful or they fail based solely on the leadership of the man. We have to figure out why she cheated. Women cheat for a reason. What did you do or not do to have her deem it necessary to find comfort in another man’s arms?
He tells me as best as he could every thing that his wife is upset about. She does not trust him. Scott has had some inappropriate conversation and interactions with women. No cheating, but a few items that would make my wife say, “Get your butt over here!” She does not feel like she is important to him. Scott explains that there have been multiple occasions over the years where he has allowed his family to disrespect his wife in his presence. He offers no explanation as to why he allowed these things to happen. Scott has apologized for the things that he has done wrong but Michelle refuses to forgive him or accept his apology. She is convinced that she will never be the most important person in his life.
I notice that in Scott’s summary of the marriage he does not spend a lot of time talking about his wife cheating. I say to him:
Scott, have you forgiven your wife for cheating on you?
Find out what Scott said next week!
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