“I am man enough to admit that I drove her to cheat because I didn’t pay her any attention.”
I said, “WOW!”
Scott continued, “I did not know how to be a husband. I was treating her like she was a girlfriend and she was my wife. I didn’t even treat her like a good girlfriend. I treated her like a regular girlfriend, meaning that I did not provide her with any special treatment. I knew that she was unhappy. I knew that I could treat her better, I just didn’t and I don’t why. It wasn’t until she cheated and I had almost lost my family did I wake up. Steven, I need you to help me save my marriage.”
Is divorce an option for you?
That is the first step. Are you sure that you are over her cheating on you and are you absolutely sure that you have forgiven her for her indiscretion?
“If I would have showed her that I loved her then, the way that I am trying to show her that I love her now, we would not have had a problem. It is like I cannot get through to her now. No matter what I say she doesn’t want to hear it. I told her that I am sorry about the way that I used to treat her. She does not accept my apology. I told her that I forgive her for her indiscretion. She does not care. What can I do?”
Scott, your wife won’t accept your apology because you have not given her reason to believe that the mistakes that you have made in the past won’t happen again in the future. She is looking for you to be good husband consistently before forgiving you.
“I am trying to show her but she doesn’t trust me. She thinks that I have been cheating on her the whole time.”
We have to figure out what is keeping her from trusting you. Can I call her?
“She is probably not going to talk to you. She says that we always go to marriage counselors but nothing ever changes.”
Yeap, you have a problem with consistency. You have probably agreed to do some things differently in the past and somehow or another you failed at your commitment to her. Let her know about my principle that, “All marriages are either successful or they fail based on the leadership of the man.” Let her know that I said that you are wrong and through my counseling we are going to fix the issues and you will become a better husband.
A week later Scott calls me and says “She is not going to talk to you man, but I appreciate the offer.”
“Give me her number. I will call her. You have nothing to lose.”
“Man, she says that I am always forcing her to do stuff. If I force her to talk to you then she will be complaining to me about that too.”
“Scott, you have nothing to lose. I can’t make her any angrier than she already is.”
“You can call her today at 5:30 PM. She will be driving home then. Her number is 305-281-5555.”
What do you think is going to happen when I call Michelle?
- ) She will hang up in my face!
- ) She will refuse to talk to me!
- ) She will be open to having a conversation?
- ) Both A & B & challenge me to a fight?