The Divorce Is Not An Option Project – Hudson Family – Week 4

Steven James Dixon April 17, 2012 Comments

Last week I asked Scott if he had forgiven his wife for cheating. Scott said,

 “I am man enough to admit that I drove her to cheat because I didn’t pay her any attention.”

 I said, “WOW!”

 Scott continued, “I did not know how to be a husband. I was treating her like she was a girlfriend and she was my wife. I didn’t even treat her like a good girlfriend. I treated her like a regular girlfriend, meaning that I did not provide her with any special treatment. I knew that she was unhappy. I knew that I could treat her better, I just didn’t and I don’t why. It wasn’t until she cheated and I had almost lost my family did I wake up. Steven, I need you to help me save my marriage.”

 Is divorce an option for you?

 “No.”

That is the first step. Are you sure that you are over her cheating on you and are you absolutely sure that you have forgiven her for her indiscretion?

“If I would have showed her that I loved her then, the way that I am trying to show her that I love her now, we would not have had a problem. It is like I cannot get through to her now. No matter what I say she doesn’t want to hear it. I told her that I am sorry about the way that I used to treat her. She does not accept my apology. I told her that I forgive her for her indiscretion. She does not care. What can I do?”

Scott, your wife won’t accept your apology because you have not given her reason to believe that the mistakes that you have made in the past won’t happen again in the future. She is looking for you to be good husband consistently before forgiving you. 

“I am trying to show her but she doesn’t trust me. She thinks that I have been cheating on her the whole time.”  

We have to figure out what is keeping her from trusting you. Can I call her?

“She is probably not going to talk to you. She says that we always go to marriage counselors but nothing ever changes.”

Yeap, you have a problem with consistency. You have probably agreed to do some things differently in the past and somehow or another you failed at your commitment to her. Let her know about my principle that, “All marriages are either successful or they fail based on the leadership of the man.” Let her know that I said that you are wrong and through my counseling we are going to fix the issues and you will become a better husband.

A week later Scott calls me and says “She is not going to talk to you man, but I appreciate the offer.”

“Give me her number. I will call her. You have nothing to lose.”

“Man, she says that I am always forcing her to do stuff. If I force her to talk to you then she will be complaining to me about that too.”

“Scott, you have nothing to lose. I can’t make her any angrier than she already is.”

“You can call her today at 5:30 PM. She will be driving home then. Her number is 305-281-5555.”

What do you think is going to happen when I call Michelle?

  1. ) She will hang up in my face!
  2. ) She will refuse to talk to me!
  3. ) She will be open to having a conversation?
  4. ) Both A & B & challenge me to a fight?
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Comments

  1. Tara Jones says:

    Great article! I can sympathize with both parties….. How I wished I would have read and knew about your writing before this past year!

    ~Tara

    1. I am sorry Tara! I am trying to get these articles out as fast as I can.

  2. mztellis says:

    Again this is my marriage, and Im glad that he husband took the stand to change or fix his marriage. I think the fact the the man made the step should make his wife speak with you, yeah she is angry but still with him so of course divorce is not an option. Im not sure if the wife would talk to you, because my husband wouldnt talk to you. But recent events has caused him to cry my name out in drunken fits, battle with depresession but this man still will not seek help. But thats the difference when a man knows his wife’s worth and will do anything to keep from losing it. I will stay tuned to next week.

  3. sharkbite06 says:

    My husband and I have reach usher Climax and I don’t want our marriage to end. We have been married for 6 years and it seems like we have been in divorce status for 5 years. We both have cheated and that is one of the issues that remains and also we are a blended family. I shut down and don’t express me when there is a diagreement and me and the communication barrier in our marriage. There is so much to say but little time my question is do you have any books that i can read and what can I do to break down my defense wall.

    Thanks,
    Looking for a way to save my family

    1. Get information about Counseling with “The RelationshipBeast” here-> http://StevenJamesDixon.com/about-2

    2. KEENYA MOODY says:

      I totally understand your dilema, im in the same situation, only i didn’t cheat on my husband, he cheated and now there’s a child that’s possibly his, i believe it’s his but no dna test yet. i don’t trust him, he continued to conversate with ex-girlfriend before and after we got married. we separated twice and probable should have gotten a divorce. he’s trying to save marriage more than me, i want to give up because im hurt, angry and disappointed by things ive heard and seen in this marriage. i’m very unhappy because i haven’t forgiven.

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  6. Larry says:

    Cheating can be the most devastating thing to a relationship. Both parties in order to try and save the relationship it take both individuals to evaluate and revaluate their expectations not only of one another but of themselves.
    Many men have trouble coming to grips with the fact their wife has been with another man.
    As a result the relationship does not survive.
    Men are more territorial so once their space has been violated they are more prone to move on to what they deem better surroundings. A key factor in this as well is that men tend to shut down emotionally and shy away from any discussion or details about the infidelity that has occurred.

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