We left off last week with Scott preparing to give Michelle a heartfelt apology for the man and the husband that he has been in the past. Let’s jump right back in . . .
Scott, Michelle doesn’t believe in you anymore. I can’t believe you for her. You have to convince her yourself. And from the looks of things, this probably needs to be your last apology. Your last apology because you will be perfect for the rest of your life or because Michelle decides that she cannot forgive you. 3 . . . 2 . . . . 1 . . . GO!
“Michelle you know I love you, right . . .?”
Stop right there! This is not a time for you to ask Michelle questions. This is a time for you to tell Michelle how you feel and to tell Michelle why you will not make the same mistakes that you have made in the past. Tell Michelle what is going to be different about you in the future. 3 . . . 2 . . . . 1 . . . GO!
“Michelle I love you. I have always loved you. I have not always known how to express my love for you. Steven has taught me that love is an action. It is not just something that you say or feel, it is something that you show. I have learned that showing someone that you love them is something that requires consistency. I have not been consistent and that is something that I will correct immediately with the help of Steven.” (Scott looks at me. I look at Michelle . . . I wait for her response . . . nothing.)
That’s not good enough Scott. What else you got? Explain to Michelle how we talked about the reprioritization of your life.
“Michelle from this day forward you are my #1 priority. I am sorry that it has not been that way in the past. I was taught that my first family, my mother, father, brothers and sisters were more important than you. I know now that I was taught incorrectly. You are #1, #2 & #3 now. I will never again choose anyone in my family or anything in the world over you again. I am sorry. Please give me a chance to make it right.”
(Michelle says) “I refuse to believe you. I am afraid to believe you. I am afraid that if I allow you to hurt me again I will go crazy.” (Michelle starts to cry.) “I just can’t take this anymore. I’m sorry but I have to go.” (Michelle walks out.)
All we can do is give her some time and space Scott.
. . . Later that day Michelle moves out. A month later she files for a legal separation. I meet with Michelle a few times one on one but she cannot bring herself to forgive Scott. Three months later she files for divorce. I repeated said the Michelle, if you cannot forgive, you cannot be married. Michelle decided that she would rather be single then forgive her husband.
Every single marriage can be saved. My job as a Relationship Expert is to find the problem and offer solutions to fix the problem. I have yet to counsel a couple where I couldn’t pinpoint the root cause of the unhappiness in the relationship. It is just too often that the husband or wife does not want to work hard enough to fix the problem. All I can do is lead couples to the water. (If they sign a waiver I can make them drink the water.) People that I counsel always say to me, “Marriage doesn’t have to be this hard.” To that I say, “Marriage is not hard, what you are doing right now is admitting that the role of being a husband or a wife is too hard for you!
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