The Relationship Report – “The State of Manhood in America” – Part I

Steven James Dixon January 11, 2012 Comments

The State of Manhood in America is at an all time low. This article is going to redefine manhood for men. Nearly every day you can find me on Facebook @StevenJamesDixon or Twitter @StevenJDixon trying to explain to men what manhood used to be, what it should be or what it can be again.

1960 – Many of the husbands during this time did not want their wives to work. It was a status symbol. The wife did not work because the man made a bunch of money. Man provided. He was the family’s only source of income. He could beat his chest. Everyone could see that he was the man because his wife didn’t have to work. If a new house was purchased, the man would get the credit. New car, man did that. New furniture, man did that too. Vacation? “Oooh gurl, you got a good man!” In the early part of the Sixties, accolades for men who provided for their families poured in by the ship load. With the male ego being affectionately stroked, man’s manhood remained fully intact. Intact until manhood ran into an Army of Independent Women. So I pulled together a group of young ladies over the age of 50 who were Army brats. I asked these women a simple but thought provoking question:  “What was the catalyst that started the deterioration of manhood?” After some deliberation the ladies decided that the man changed when the woman started making more money.

1963 – The “Equal Pay For Women Act” was passed. The “Equal Pay For Women Act” positively impacted money but negatively impacted marriage. On the day that the woman started being able to pay the bills, on that day, the male ego started missing hugs. Manhood took a hit. The man felt like he was less of a man because the woman was obviously more woman. She now had more to offer. Up until 1963 women were pretty much only frying bacon but after 1963 women started bringing home the bacon. If I could go back in time, to 1963, I would add an amendment to the “Equal Pay For Women Act.” The amendment would read like this:

“Man can fry bacon. It’s ok. Bacon is not sexist.”

“The State of Manhood in America.”

As she grew, he became smaller . . . not to her, but to him. As she evolved, he became lost. Lost in his own perception of himself. His perception was that she did not need him as much as she used to. His perception was that the only thing that he brought to the table was money. The money that she no longer needed defined his manhood. Henceforth man decided that he did not need to work as hard or provide as much as he once did for woman. She is an equal now. And you know what, she can provide for me!

1970 – During the 70’s the now “desegregated” black man was going through the phenomenon known as “The Man Holding A Brother Down.” So now it became that wives had to work because husbands couldn’t find a job. Women could find jobs. They could be maids, teachers, nurses or something along those professions. The black man had to be highly skilled to maintain a job during the 70’s.

1973 – My father lost his job. With no money coming in he lost his transportation. With no transportation he could not find another job.

1974 – My father unsuccessfully tries to rob a gas station as a means to provide. When I was born, he was in prison. I have never met him. No one in our family knows where he is, including his mother, my grandmother. My father is still alive . . . somewhere. (Scientists have been unsuccessful in proving that manhood is a gene that is passed on genetically. Manhood is not a part of a man’s D.N.A. but rather his mindset.)

1975 – The working woman was in full swing. When the woman left for work each day a piece of his manhood left the house every day too. It was very common for one of two things to happen during this time period:

1. Wife was working. Husband felt less pressure and relaxed. Stopped working as hard. Stopped progressing on the job. Lost his motivation to out work the next guy because the next guy’s wife was working also. With everyone’s wives working, there was no measurement of success . . . to the man.

2. Wife was working. Man is looking. He can’t find anything. He becomes frustrated. Many, many, many women talked to me about abusive husbands from 1975 – 1985. Woman became stronger. Man felt weaker. Man could no longer control a woman with a job and her own money. In an effort to control her, he abused her.

Now of course there were some excellent God-fearing, wife-loving, family-providing men ALL throughout history. Those of you who did not bear witness to what I am talking about here are blessed. Before you start disagreeing with me, go do your own research. Talk to a woman over 50. I believe that manhood is defined by how you love and provide for your wife and family. So I wanted the woman’s viewpoint. The woman’s grade of the man per se.  From her point of view…WHAT . . . WENT . . . WRONG??? Take this article for whatever you feel it is worth. Whatever percentage that you are comfortable with believing in is fine by me. The bottom line is that “The State of Manhood In America” is at an all time low and we have to get to the root of the problem. This is my effort to get to that root, pull that root and plant new seeds. In Part II of “The State of Manhood In America” I am going to unveil a new definition for manhood.

 I AM THE RELATIONSHIPBEAST.

Comments

  1. Dede says:

    Really great and insightful thoughts on the topic Steven! Keep up the great dialogue on the topic…

    ~ D

  2. A.Williams says:

    Excellent article as always I will defintely pass it on to my male and female friends as we all question what, when how things changed.

  3. Marleen says:

    I absolutely agree! Today women have to get the bacon, fry it up, clean up, raise a family all while wearing pumps and a smile. Men have stopped being men & women feel weak if they are submissive. As a result families continue to fall apart, children fall prey to the streets & you have more & more pp on medication just to make it through the day.

  4. Cherise says:

    Cant wait for Part II. As always you shed new light on things I “thought” I knew about men.

  5. April Dawn says:

    Very insightful. It gives men and women understanding. A new fresh perspective. Hopefully it helps us understand the opposite sex better and helps marriages Last!!! I’m taking It All in!!! Every Article!!

  6. Twanda says:

    Wow! I have two young men between 22 and 25 and I pray that the standards I’ve set for them as a single mother was enough.
    I kept good, positive men around them and the men in my family took time with them too. I don’t want their wives asking “What the heck happened to you”? We can’t give up, there is too much at stake. Thanks for staying in the trenches Steven!

  7. Alyssa says:

    I’m not so sure that women feel that being submissive is weak..I believe that a lot of women are LOOKING for a man that is WORTHY of them being submissive to..Trust me when I tell you..these women out here are fronting and do not want to be or play the role of a man. Often it is out of necessity then want that a woman steps out of her role.

    1. Check out this article that I wrote:
      Submission vs. Independence” – What Do Men Really Want?
      http://stevenjamesdixon.com/submission-vs-independence-what-do-men-really-want

    2. Janna says:

      “I’m not so sure that women feel that being submissive is weak..I believe that a lot of women are LOOKING for a man that is WORTHY of them being submissive to”….DING….DING…DING! You hit it right on the head.

  8. Marcherie says:

    I love this article! I think the root of the problem with The State of Manhood is that too many women now are willing to play the husband role and take care of their men, meaning he could barely work or not work at all. They are willing to take care of the household financially and physically. They spend a great deal of wooing men now. I think it’s a state of confusion with what a man is and what his role SHOULD be. I’m not saying that I think the woman should do nothing either. It should be more of an equal partnership. I look forward to your article on the new definition of manhood.

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  12. CC says:

    Hey Steven!! Love it! I believe that is a big part of what has happened! This can explain why men will seek women who have nothing going on (sometimes by no fault of her own) when he is successful. Anything he does is deemed wonderful! This is not to diminish or belittle any woman. To most women, a man bringing in a bag of groceries has done just that! No more, no less!

  13. I see and understand your theory here Steven. Like always I respect your views and think they are unique. In today’s time I think men and women can come to a middle ground. In fact some marriages are coming to a middle ground. Money shouldn’t be the main factor for a woman to keep her respect in her man and a man shouldn’t let that devalue himself as well. Unfortunately money still causes issues in marriages. Good article and looking forward to reading part 2.

  14. […] The State of Manhood in America Steven James Dixon talks about the changes over the decades of the man and woman […]

  15. Barbara says:

    makes sense to me

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