In Part I of “The State of Manhood In America” there was a statement that I made that I want to back up and break down:
“I believe that manhood is defined by how you love and provide for your wife and family.”
Many of the single men that I talked to did not like this definition of manhood. Many single men said to me “Manhood has nothing to do with whether or not I am married or single.” Then I would say “But when are you the most man? Manhood should be about the state at which you are the most man that you can be. Your full evolution of man.” This is the redefinition of manhood. Are there some single men that are more man then married men? – Sure. Can a man max his evolution while still in a state of singleness? – I don’t see why not. But what I am saying is that the average man that wants a marriage and family has to challenge himself. He has to challenge himself to meet the demands of the growth and development required, in specific areas, to have that successful marriage and happy family life. Those specific areas begin with but are not limited to: 1.) The Act of Loving 2.) Leadership 3.) Responsibility 4.) Communication 5.) Compromise 6.) Consistency 7.) Purpose 8.) Restraint 9.) Structure 10.) Planning.
Specified Areas By Example:
1.) I adopted an understanding that loving her is loving me.
2.) She is not going follow first, man has to exhibit leadership first.
3.) The single man is responsible for one person. The married man is responsible for at least two.
4.) Communication is on the job training. As a husband I had to develop better listening skills.
5.) I almost never compromised as a single man. Compromise is the first thing that I do when I wake up in the morning now.
6.) I had no reason to be consistent as a single man. As a married man consistency is oooh so key to my ability to lead.
7.) As a single man my purpose in life was to make money. As a married man my purpose in life is to provide.
8.) As a single man I did not have anything that I would categorize as a restraint. As a married man I practice restraint on a daily basis.
9.) As a single man structure was not necessary. I could make decisions on the fly that did not have any impact on anyone else. As a married man life is too complicated to not have structure.
10.) Similar to structure, planning became more necessary as I have to now plan for more than just me.
– With @JacqueReid –
1985 – A trend is taking place. Fatherless homes / single mothers. The ripple effect of the dissolution of marriage. A male first becomes a man, then he becomes a husband and then he becomes a father. In that order. You are man before and it is not necessary for you to ever be a husband or father. But manhood is not about your ability to be physically a man. Oftentimes we forget that manhood is a combination of two words. “Man” and “Hood”. “Man” is a physical being. Checkout one of Webster’s dictionary meaning of the word hood:
Hood – a native English suffix denoting state, condition, character, nature, etc., or a body of persons of a particular character or class.
I am not even going to expound on that, I’m just going to let that marinate.
1987 – August 6, 9:00 PM. Thursday. After my 13th birthday party I told my Step-Father that if he wants to fight my mother going forward, he would have to fight me first. (I was more man at the age of 13 then most men are at the age of . . . well, the age that they are right now.)
2013 – In the future, I will still be old school. I need y’all to buy a couple more books so my wife doesn’t have to work. My goal is to require less and less of the money that she makes every day. Furthermore, I will never let her success negatively impact my manhood because my manhood is not defined by the money that she nor I make. DRUMROLL PLEASE . . . the redefinition of manhood:
Manhood – The recognition by man that he is the foundation of the family. The belief by man that he is blessed with the intestinal fortitude to carry his family on his back. The understanding by man that through his leadership and guidance that his family can overcome all obstacles. Man is tough. Man is solid. Man is smart. Man knows what he doesn’t know. Man can adjust. Man is focused. Man loves. Man provides. *Most importantly* man knows that his family is depending on him to exhibit a profound manhood.
I submit to you today that manhood has never been based on money. If you chose a good woman, if you chose a good woman, if you chose a good woman, then she doesn’t love your money, she loves you. Love is an action that can be displayed in many different forms. Let’s say that spending your money on your woman is a form of love. Then I would say that spending your time on her is a greater form of love. Then I would say that sacrificing for her is a greater form of love. Then I would say that showing her that you care about her is a greater form of love. Then I would say that being faithful to her is a greater form of love. Then I would say that letting her know that you appreciate her is a greater form of love. Then I would say that compromise is a greater form of love. Then I would say that fighting for your marriage or relationship is a greater form of love. Shoot, loving her is a greater form of love than spending money on her. For all those men who don’t know what loving her is, re-read these last six lines. THAT IS LOVING HER!
I need my own TV Show.
I need my own Radio Show.
And a column.
I go hard like this all day. #AskAboutMe
I AM THE RELATIONSHIPBEAST.