Why You Looooove Dating Married Men.

Steven James Dixon April 18, 2011 Comments

You love dating married men because you are stupid. You think that he actually cares about you. You think that you are special. That you are unique. Even worst, you think that he is special, that he is unique. Oh wait, what’s even more special and unique then that is that you think that you are the only special and unique person that he is cheating on his wife with. The word special should not apply to you, him or your relationship. The only “S” word that applies to you is that you are stupid. The word unique should not apply to you, him or your relationship. . . The only “U” word that applies is . . . is . . . I can’t think of a good “U” word that applies so you are stupid times two.

You loooooove dating married men because we are smooooo-with-a-ve. We know what we are doing. We are affectionate. We are attentive. We are sensitive. We are understanding. We are passionate. We are practicing with our wife to perform with you. That doesn’t bother you at all? We are trained. The wife has put in the time to train a man to her likes and desires and it just so happens that you were never woman enough to train your own man. You thought that a man would be delivered to you in an unwrapped package.  You knew and accepted right up front that you were not woman enough to build your own marriage so you would rather destroy someone else’s. You wanted to skip the blood, sweat and tears of the early years of marriage. You are so stupid! He don’t love you, he just loves being away from his wife. YOU DON’T MATTER. You are convenient. You are accepting. You only require and deserve one day a week. Easy, that’s what you are.

You try to justify it but it aint right. You do justify it but it still aint right! It doesn’t matter what he tells you. Lies have never mattered. It doesn’t matter that he is unhappy at home. I bet he is happier than you are. It doesn’t matter that he is your baby daddy or your co-worker or your ex-boyfriend or your ex-fiancé. It is not right. How can you not put yourself in the shoes of his wife? I know you want to, but can you? (<- Slow down, read it again. I have been thinking on this article for a minute so I might be just a smidget too deep. The word play is ferocious! Hova get at me!)

I know you want to, but can you?

I know you want to be his wife, but can you be a wife?

Can you think about how she would feel if she knew? Would you resort to fisticuffs if it were you? Would you want to kick her. . . ?

Oh, I understand, he is separated so that makes it ALL-right. Oh, I understand, he is staying for the kids so that makes it ALL-right. Oh, I understand, they don’t live together so that makes it ALL-right. Oh, I understand, he told you he was separated, he lied, so that makes itALL-right. I am tired of the free pass that is being handed out to women that date married men. All of those Tiger Woods tricks knew he was married. LEAVE THAT MAN ALONE! They should not have got a dime. The media bashed Bill Clinton and felt sorry for Monica Lewinsky. THAT WOMAN KNEW FULL WELL WHAT SHE HAD IN HER MOUTH!!! Ok, maybe you are not getting it yet so let me give you an example. Let me show you exactly why you fell for a married man.

I love my wife. We talk on the phone about five times a day. I know when she is going to call. We email each other about ten times a day. Talking on the phone and emailing is how I show my wife the attention that she wants. I really don’t like talking on the phone that much, I’m gansta wit mine. But because my wife likes talking on the phone, having those conversations have become a habit to me. If she left tomorrow,  it would have to be her because I am not going nowhere. If my wife left me tomorrow, tomorrow I would be talking on the phone with the next woman five times a day. Not because I like the next woman enough to talk on the phone with her five times a day but because of the habits that I am now comfortable with. I would be calling her because I am used to always talking to the sweet sounds of my wife’s voice. I would only be trying to replace her with you. It would not be you. You are not the reason that I would be calling you. She would be the reason that I am calling you. I miss her. You are a poor substitute. I know how to pay the next woman attention because my wife demanded it. I know how to give a woman affection because my wife demanded it. I know how to be a good husband because my wife demanded it. (Hold up, don’t get it twisted, SHE HAS BEEN UPGRADED TOO! I am man all day long! What up LaMechia LaChelle Dixon formally Jones from Houston, TX. I will be in there in a minute Boo! Let me finish up this lil article.)

That husband that you loooooooove dating don’t love you and he is not leaving his wife for you. You are being used. You are a stand in or a “lay-in”. (<- Ok, that was wack.) He is only doing what he has been trained to do. There is a reason why he is more attentive than the average single man. There is a reason why he is more affectionate than the average single man. There is a reason why he is more sensitive than the average single man. There is a reason why he is more caring than the average single man. There is a reason why he is more thoughtful than the average single man. There is a reason why you are more stupid than the average single woman. And that reason is because you looooooooove dating married men.


  1. wanda castro wcastro82@aol.com says:

    this is me

    1. Jill says:

      My ex-married lover paid my way through medical school then dumped him upon completion.

      Shortly after completed my bachelor degree, I met this ambassador. I was working two jobs saving up enough money to fund my education. One day, I was invited to speak at an event at the United Nation when I crossed path with this gentleman who would later save me financially. Because of that encounter, I am today a doctor and medical school debt FREE. He mentioned he was married, however he never cared to speak at length of his marriage which didn’t bother me a bit because I had an agenda. He and I we ended up spending enough time together to realize that his interest in me wasn’t sexually motivated rather he needed love, affection, companionship and someone to contribute to his ambitions. Through conversations, I isolated his emotional needs and met each and everyone of them; Subsequently, he later left his wife of 30 years in the hope of marrying me. I led him on long enough to complete my education then sent him packing and later married my doctor husband who was also, at the time, a medical student studying in London. And yes, I have always hated married man, especially a big mouth, know it all, arrogant one such as yourself. You just haven’t met the woman to compel to abandon everything you thought you knew. I am a Caribbean woman, we know how to work it!

      1. Tammy says:

        All I will say is, what goes around comes around – you may have gotten what you wanted out of the deal at the expense(literally and figuratively) of this person- but it was wrong- he was married- it didn’t matter if he was unhappy. It is a shame when people do others wrong because they can- yes you used each other, but to brag about it with no shame- people like these will get it back whan they least expect it, and then they will not be able to understand why it happened to them. I am disgusted by this kind of attitude in the world today- use people and flip the consequences- shameful.

      2. Mrs. Lena' says:

        Does this make you happy???? Cause whether you realize it or not you really sound stupid, yea you think you got over because he paid for your education but what if he gave you a disease you couldn’t get rid of, got your pregnant, or killed you when you dumped him. Silly women these days, I’m glad you are proud because to me you are just another dumb broad that THINK she got over!! I guess you better watch out for your husband cause he might be paying for another women’s education while you online gloating!!

        1. Angel says:

          Ms. Lena, I wish there was a love button for your comment…. He probably is paying for some other chic’s eductation right now. LOVE IT!

      3. jill2 says:

        always exceptions to the rule-youre a very cool woman!!! good for you!!

      4. reign says:

        All that education, but as the author of this blog has stated several times: YOU are STUPID! Your proud response to this proves it.

      5. BlessedRU9 says:

        If you thought your education was really free….then U R stupid…It came at a very high price….you will reap what you have sewn…..please repent and pray for the family/wife you hurt while you were being inconsiderate and selfish. I pray another woman doesn’t have UR same attitude to your new doctor husband.—-KARMA

  2. David Wiser says:

    I think your writing is interesting. I am looking forward seeing the next article from you. 🙂

    1. Hannah says:

      Very true! Makes a sense to see someone spell it out like that. 🙂

  3. marquita says:

    love this and all of ur articles so far and im most def buying the book for my other half.. hopefully it will help, him

    1. Rangle says:

      Wow, your post makes mine look feblee. More power to you!

  4. jaz says:

    So true. Can’t stand it when a married man hits on me, don’t insult my intelligence. Don’t want nasty 3rd or 4th’s.

  5. Ms. Niki says:

    Well DAMN!!!! that’s all I gotta say about that one. I can feel your passion all the way through the laptop screen.

  6. Miss A says:

    Ok, now i really enjoy your writing, however, I feel that this article is ONE SIDED, regardless, the MAN took the vows, the MAN went before God and family and friends, all I’m saying is you can’t scold one without the other it takes 2. Period. Yes I agree it’s wrong, but on BOTH parts, however, MOST of the responsibility is on the MARRIED party, man or woman. I’m still a fan, but I definitely felt some type of way about this article, I feel it’s biased and one sided. Now, my next question, where is your article chewing up the cheating lying men??????

    1. sjDixon says:

      Thanks for your response. I don’t think that I have written anything specifically about Men cheating. But that article is obvious and has been written ten thousand times. We all know that the men are responsible. I have written a lot about men though. Lookup these:

      Master’s Degree In Woman Management
      Stupid Questions That Men Ask Women
      The Extra-Ordinary Man versus The Extraordinary Man

      My principle is “All relationships or marriages are either successful or the fail solely based on the leadership of the man.”

      1. Cannon says:

        You seem bitter. Angry at women who date married men as if it’s personal to you. Your mate ever cheat on you with a married man? Ok not my business but nevertheless and we all know that cheating is wrong, married or not, however you missed several vaild points in your tirade. Women who see married men aren’t all single and looking for him to leave home. Do some more homework and some actually do leave home. Women who see married men, some that is do it for financial reasons, not love reasons. Eyeopener, all women aren’t soft and looking for love in another woman’s husband. Neither do they care if he lies or if comes by when he can, what makes you think they want anymore than that anyway. Morals you say, values, to each his own. What you think is the case of adultry, now and days couldn’t be further from the truth. Marriages fall apart as relationships and become partnerships, wifes stop doing wife things too. Committments are hinged upon contracts, such as credit cards, mortgages, child support, car notes, etc. I just believe when one is unhappy in the marriage he/she OH women cheat too, should leave but when they choose to stay under dire, unhappy with her/him then consequences can be a cheating spouse and not for the reasons you mentioned. Trust and believe that. Research is always good. Maybe interviewing women who date married men some who are quite happy I might add AND NO I’m not one but I do know a couple, get to know the real reasons some do it.

        1. sjDixon says:

          “Going forward, any and all responses received from people in defense of the mistress in regard to my article “Why You Loooove Dating Married Men” . . . the assumption will be made that the response in question is from the mistress. Men can be mistresses too! Mistresses stop sending your friends to defend you! ”

          P.S. I don’t get the sentiment behind the friend saying to themselves “Oooooh let me tell him that he got it all wrong about why my friend is sleeping with someone’s husband.” I never defend wrong. I don’t feel the need to defend my friends that are cheating on their spouses. They are grown.

          1. kajn says:

            This is in response to you and CANNON – (I need to be able to respond to u both at one, maybe I will copy/past- but really did she say ‘You seem bitter?’ – she wants u to do research first to interview the mistresses first to see WHY they date married men – ummm…because what? – the “WHY” is going to somehow make us all say “Oh ok, since you have a good reason “WHY” you are dating this married man then it’s cool” – Cannon I think you missed the point – the article was about the fact that it’s WRONG – end of story. Don’t care if the “wife is not doing wife things” as you put it…it’s WRONG. Even if Jesus came to you (not u personally, but the mistress) in a dream and said it’s ok to date this married man, trust me, it’s still WRONG. When I was single this married co-worker of mine asked me out – I lit into him. First of all I am worth way more than dating someone else’s husband. I was very offended. I’m not some cheap chick who can’t get her own man, nor do I wish to share someone else’s. I was upset, I wasn’t flattered or impressed. I was mad!! Maybe it’s because my parents have been married over 4 decades, or I just believe in the sanctity of marriage, or probably it’s my big ego, but really, I’m not the one. And since I have a way with words and with the way I responded to him he has probably never asked out another woman who knew he was married. SLUG! I’m too special, I’m too selfish, I don’t share like that. And I expect that of my husband. I’m married now and I’ve told my hubby, if he thinks someone else can treat him better than I, let me know and move on, but don’t let me CATCH u cheating…give me the chance to step aside…but if you cheat – it’s on! — just saying.

          2. Tracen says:

            Do you have more great artciles like this one?

        2. TJ says:

          Cannon, as I read your response I felt a bit of sadness for women such as yourself and for the lives of the wives who will be affected by women with similar thinking. There is no reference material or homework assignment that will produce enough evidence to justify why a woman would knowingly deal with a married man. If you delve further into that woman you will more than likely find a history of low self-esteem. If someone doesn’t believe that they are worth the best, receiving or being second won’t be anything out of the ordinary. We can all debate or express our views, but the bottom line is what does God and His word say about it. If you have been cheated on or a wife who has had her family destroyed due to cheating, I believe that your response would be different, because I find it hard to believe if someone were to experience that degree of pain, they would want to inflict that pain on someone else.

        3. Josh says:

          Cannon I couldn’t agree with you more. Everybody is a moralist nowadays. Painting women dating the married men as always STUPID is as naive as the married women or men who stay in horrible marriages that never elevate them or their families.

  7. Article Posted to MajicATL - 107.5 & 97.5 says:

    […] You try to justify it but it aint right. You do justify it but it still aint right! It doesn’t matter what he tells you. Lies have never mattered. It doesn’t matter that he is unhappy at home. I bet he is happier than you are. It doesn’t matter that he is your baby daddy or your co-worker or your ex-boyfriend or your ex-fiancé. It is not right. How can you not put yourself in the shoes of his wife? I know you want to, but can you? (<- Slow down, read it again. I have been thinking on this article for a minute so I might be just a smidget too deep. The word play is ferocious! Hova get at me!) READ MORE […]

  8. Eddie says:

    Dude, this is ON POINT! Sure, give a man grief for cheating (it’s deserved), but what about the skank who’s OK with being the bench warmer in his life??? As a recently engaged man, however, I really respect that second-to-last paragraph. Thanks for that.

  9. reeree says:

    School these low self esteem, lonely, can’t get their own man tricks!!!

  10. R_Cherie says:

    That article was somethin else my dude lol! I’m glad to have come across the post & I will Definitely be purchasing your book. Thanx in advance for the great read! 🙂

  11. Loree says:

    I think women need it this raw. They don’t seem to get how fundamentally wrong it is to be involved with someone elses man. There are no excuses and I fail to get how they think that this man so willing to cheat (should he actually leave his wife – yeah right) would then turn around and be a good man for them??? Comfuzzled….REALLY! Know your worth, ladies. Good article.

  12. Tammy says:

    So does THIS apply to a relationship with a man you THINK to be single for almost 2 years? And then find out he is JUST about to sign divorce papers, and not even find out from him, but a mother or grandmother!!? If there is no ring on, and no wife is calling the cell, he practically lives at your home, you go to ALL his family functions and holidays and no obvious signs of a marriage, then what? Are these women still considered to be “tramps”, “can’t get a man of their own”, “home wreckers”, “not wife material”?? I agree, this is one sided. Curious to any and all responses….

    1. sjDixon says:

      This article is absolutely one sided against women who KNOWINGLY date men that are married. At the moment that she finds out that he is married she has to leave.

      Yes, the man is totally wrong. We all know that. But we never talk about the mistress.

  13. Brittany Jones says:

    I really enjoyed this article. I’ve been the married woman whose husband cheated. An of course once I left him he didn’t remain with the woman he cheated with. Actually he tried to get back in for over a year and a half but my life and health wasn’t at all worth that relationship. I feel that both parties are responsible parties. Yea the married party took the vows before God, friends and family but God sees ALL things. And in all fairness the ten commandments hold both parties responsible for the adulteries affairs. Thou shalt not committ adultery and thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife/husband. Everybody should put themselves in the other persons shoes. The cheating husband in his wifes, the cheating wife in her husbands, and the man or woman being cheated with. That’s the problem nowadays everybody is one for themselves and that’s the problem with the world today. After that situation I don’t know if I’d even get married again but I can honestly say that I know that not all men and/or women are the same.



  14. Moi says:

    I have a friend in this situation and she gots so caught up in the man that aint hers. I so badly wants to send this to her. Am i wrong to do that, she needs to read this

    1. Angel says:

      I say send it to her. As a friend, we need to encourage our friends to do the right things and discourage them from the wrong. I had a friend who was so caught up in a married guy that it caused a lot trouble in our friendship. I could not get her to understand that it was not okay to be acting a fool over another woman’s husband. He never made her any promises of leaving or anything like that, but I think he gave her false hope. We ended up not speaking for almost year over this. We just got back in contact with each other again. She just need a little time to find herself, I guess.


    I enjoyed your article, but I feel as if you used the word WOMAN to describe the actions of a GIRL. No WOMAN in her right mind, that understands her worth, has class and integrity will stoop so low to being a side chick for any man, let alone a married one. FYI to the GIRLS out there that feel the need to be with someone who has a girlfriend or a wife, grow up because as Steven says he is not leaving his wife or girlfriend, and if he does he will leave you with whatever title he gives you for the girl that he is sleeping with behind YOUR DUMB ASS BACK so the cycle will continue and it wil not and did not begin or end with YOU. Think about that

  16. DSGCHICK says:

    You did the damn thing in this artcile, I will NEVER date a married man or man with a girlfriend knowingly… For any chick that would bish you stupid. If I can’t be number 1 then I don’t want you…

    Singing Monica’s “Sideline Hoe” lol

    1. Angel says:

      OMG I used to play that song everytime my homewrecking friend would get in my car…lol


    I enjoyed your article, but I feel as if you used the word WOMAN to describe the actions of a GIRL. No WOMAN in her right mind, that understands her worth, has class and integrity will stoop so low to being a side chick for any man, let alone a married one. FYI to the GIRLS out there that feel the need to be with someone who has a girlfriend or a wife, grow up because as Steven says he is not leaving his wife or girlfriend, and if he does he will leave you with whatever title he gives you for the girl that he is sleeping with behind YOUR DUMB A** BACK so the cycle will continue and it will not and did not begin or end with YOU. Think about that

  18. Hershey says:

    I’ve been the mistress, and believed his words as if they were the Gospel truth. Until a woman wakes up, and realizes that each and every night he goes home to his wife and family, she’s going to continue being foolish. Low self, self hatred, ignorance and down right stupidity sums it all up for me. In my mind, he wasn’t happy, but the reality of it all was that, how could I in my few stolen moments, make him happy? I couldn’t, I didn’t. I convinced myself that he was unhappy, yet he went home on time every night. I didn’t have to deal with him when he was sick, the bills, the complete married life, so in my mind I was the lucky one…I was just the dumb one. I’m grateful I woke and now love myself too much to ever be the side piece, when I deserve to be the main course for one man. Great article, refreshing read from a man’s point of view.

    1. Foolish Fool says:

      Yes, I was that foolish stupid woman! But I got enough money to pay my lease for the entire that I was going to college and after the birth of my youngest son (no it’s his!!!) and even save up enough to have a nest egg for unexpected emergency. So he got sumthing, sumthing on the side, while he had financially invested my education and my living quarters for me and my child… We are now friends, the affair has been long over. So it was a win-win for both of us.

  19. Jtameeka says:

    Great article.

  20. I'mJustSayin' says:

    What the author is saying is basically true. I knowingly dated a married man and decided I didn’t want to be #2 so he made me #1. Wife fell off and I was just being me. It lasted over twenty years. My situation was the exception to the rule. Still, there are some women who don’t mind being the “Sideline Ho” and reap the rewards. Gifts, trips, jewelry, treated well and HAPPY to be a part of it. The author says he loves his wife and good for him because that’s the way a marriage should be. I just know that not all women in this situation are sitting in the dark, crying in the corner. I know that I will never date a married man again…..a whole lot of drama/karma comes with it. Right now I’m happily single and laughing at all of these “she-males” (not a gay slur) I’m running into. Raggedy credit, no conversation, no goals, babies everywhere – STOP THE MADNESS AND MAN UP!!

  21. Kim says:

    This was me years ago! I justified it and said (1) I never want him for myself, (2) I never accepted any money or gifts (3) I just need him to satisfy my urges because I’m a full time mother, student, employee and I dont have time to go out there just yet and find what I really want and need, (4) I never wanted him to leave his wife, (5) our relationship is not about sex we really love each other as friends (6) we are friends first – so that makes it alright, makes our relationship different. Everything you said is absolutely right and you have a fan for life. Now that I have a man of my own, it pains me that I did that to “his” wife. I was wrong as I could have been. Thank God that God forgives. I will NEVER do that or become that again.

  22. Jade says:

    Although, I don’t date married men, I found this article very interesting. The part I don’t appreciate is that people in relationships like to put down those that would like a relationship. A relationship, any type of relationship!.. It is so easy to say find a man of your “own”. Really? There is some shit that is easy to do, finding someone to date, let alone to find a man to be in a relationship in is almost IMPOSSIBLE. Does anyone ever consider that. How do I write an article?

    1. TJ says:

      Jade, that seems to be a ridiculous reason for someone to date a married man/woman because it’s not easy to find a relationship??!! (I’m not saying that you implied that.) There is no reason to throw a pity party for someone who goes through a season of singleness. There is a season/reason for everything. Its sad that people don’t realize that it is better to be single and happy than married and miserable, just to say they are in a relationship.

      Enjoy the day!

    2. JEAN1 says:

      I am 37 and single. I REFUSE to settle for ANYTHING less than what I’m looking for. I agree with you Jade that is hard to date and find a man that wants to be in a relationship but I CANT and WILL NOT settle for a married man. I want to be first not second. If that means I will be single for the rest of my life, then so be it!

  23. Shawne says:

    I think it is awesome that you answer personally…that will change as you blow up more…keep it up as long as possible though….Somebody needed this today…..

  24. Keri says:

    I find it absolutely amazing that this type of mindless conjecture could be passed of as an article that bears any type of serious consideration. These are not FACTS that this man is spewing and it seems that the readers are mostly scorned wives, cheating husbands and mistresses that got played. So yes this would make sense to them because they have a personal stake in it being true. But what about those of us who DO NOT date married men who finds this article to be very offensive?

    I find it offensive because to suggest that anyone other than the man who made a promise to man and God to be faithful, is responsible for the dissolution of/or conflict in a marriage (due to HIS infidelity) is incomprehensible to me! The mistress does not owe the wife any type of special treatment or consideration, but the husband most certainly does. The mistress is not typically married, but the husband most certainly is. So I would pose the question to you, why do you believe that a woman should take a man’s marriage more seriously than he does? He is clearly the one who is overstepping the boundaries of his own relationship. It seems to me that it is the duty of the husband to set the tone for the relationship. Let’s allow what I loosely call men to step up a take responsibility for their own actions.

    And with that, let’s allow the wife to take responsibility for marrying a man that better than likely always cheated, even before marriage. I know way too many women who believe that their man will stop cheating because they got married. And more often than not, the jokes on them, but they would rather blame the woman – like you are doing now. This “men will be men” excuse is what’s stupid. If you’re not ready to be married then stay single. A woman cannot cheat with a man if he is not open to it.

    1. sjDixon says:

      At no point did I excuse the behavior or responsiblity of the husband or the wife. We are know that they carry more responsibility. The point of this article is to point out that hoochie mommas need to get their own man. I said very clearly in the article that there are thousands of articles about cheating husbands. I am trying to give you a different twist or something different to think about. Women who date married men are flat out wrong. They are not more wrong then the husband, but they are wrong.

      1. Keri says:

        Thank you for your response, and believe me I understood the point of your article. I also understand that you (maybe inadvertently?) also gave married women the “empirical evidence” they need to blame the mistress or “Hoochie Mama”. So now she does not have to deal with the reality of her relationship, now she is allowed to make excuses, now you have more distrust in the values of sisterhood, now (and most disheartening) you have two women broken-down emotionally who do not have enough self-respect to move on. Also, let’s not assume that all mistresses are whores and the wife is pious.

        You must try to appreciate the psychological toll that it takes on a woman to be in either position. Therefore, with a cheating husband in the mix, there is no more advantage to being a wife than it is to being a mistress. I have personally seen women – who are mistresses – be treated better than the wife in many ways. So other than the potential financial stability, there is no benefit to either party in this type of marriage. Black women are in a precarious position in 2011. Not only do we typically out-earn our men but we also (more often than not) have more education, so the power dynamics become skewed in a marriage. This has become the overarching problem in our communities. This is what further contributes to men asserting their “manhood” in ways that are not becoming of a man. The terrible circle that plays out is not only in the lies and deception incorporated into a marriage, but also disease and the further deterioration of the Black community.

        So to say that they need to “Get their own man”, who exactly do you mean? Because with your own assertions you suggest that the wife “has a man” however, her man is stepping out on her. This takes time, money, energy now that the man is not giving to his wife – “his woman”. So again, where is the benefit? In that regard I think we all need to be more careful about the information that we give to the masses. As a people, we cannot afford many more misunderstandings.

        In peace and solidarity,

        1. sjDixon says:

          I am happily married. Women throw free booty in my face everyday. They are wrong. I don’t know why you are trying to excuse their behavior. Are you a paid lobbist on behalf of the hoes of America or something? I am not trying to excuse the behavior or responsibility of the husband at all. Why are you trying to excuse their behavior?

          Those women who dated Tiger Woods knew he was married. Alicia Keys knew Swizz Beats was married.

          1. Keri says:

            But most important Tiger Woods and Swizz Beats knows that they were married. “Hoes of America”? Seriously? Well, actually no, I am not a representative of that organization. But who I am is a professor of Justice Studies who has researched the plight of African American communities as well as the breakdown of the Black American Family for the past decade or so. I am a woman who works with brothers coming home from prison who are attempting to cope so that they can return to their wives and families whole again. I am a woman who is invested in having and maintaining strong and healthy community relationships. But more than that I am a woman who also works women on both sides of the equation and both end up hurt and devastated with no recourse.

            So with that, my point is… there is no side to choose. It is simply a matter of being responsible for the choices we make. The tone of not only your article, but also your response – which I’m assuming was supposed to be funny, when it was merely offensive – allows for too much backbiting and continued strained relationships. No matter how much “booty” a woman throws at you, it becomes YOUR obligation to say no. The “booty” as you so eloquently put it is merely the symptom. Only your response to it would make it the problem.

          2. sjDixon says:

            Ok, we can just agree to disagree. You are saying that it is perfectly fine for a woman to try and have sex with your man. As long as your man turns it down, no harm, no foul. That’s great for you. I ain’t there yet.

            The man is responsible for his actions. Let me be clear, I am not excusing the man from his vows at all. I am simply saying that women should not be having sex with married men.

          3. Ms.Dee says:

            What I want to know is what the definition of marriage is to you? I agree that both parties are at fault, but the man or woman stepping out is the worst offender. Based on your response to Keri, I’m interested in knowing which holds more weight to you, a man ready to leave but that govt piece of paper still says he’s married or a man who is still spiritually married but decides to harm his soul anyway? In my opinion if a man decides to divorce and follows the rules of divorce according to God he is free, of course if his marriage was recognized by the state he should file divorce. I do not believe that a man or woman should hold the word of the state in higher regard than the laws of our Creator. Therefore some men, like Swizz Beats (who isn’t a Christian), were most likely divorced according to the Creator (I say most likely because none of us witnessed it, but the length of time he was separated makes him divorced according to the law of his beliefs). Tiger Woods though, um yeah, based on what was publicly stated that man was still married according to God. Any woman or man should not be blamed for wanting to be with a person who has basically divorced according to the Lord and is merely waiting for the ex to agree on divorce terms and waiting for the judge to sign off on the divorce. Now I do not believe that people should be out here fornicating, but people can be weak sometimes. However, fornication and adultery are different.

          4. sjDixon says:

            Jesse are you going to get this one? Maybe you missed it so let me go ahead on and field this one.

            “Any woman or man should not be blamed for wanting to be with a person who has basically divorced according to the Lord”.

            I am not blaming anyone for anything. I holding people accountable and responsible for the vows and commitments that they made before that same Lord that you speak of. The bible says to obey the laws of the land. If you are legally married, you are off limits to other people.

            There is no such thing as basically divorced. LOL! That’s funny to me! There is no grey area. There are only three relationship statuses:
            1. Married
            2. Celibate
            3. Fireproof

            I am going to change the way that people date and save the Institution of Marriage because the Institution of Marriage is perfect! God created it! There something wrong with that husband or there is something wrong with that wife. Now if we can get people to leave that husband or that wife to their marriage then maybe they can save their marriage. Marriage is hard enough as it is, no distractions are necessary. Divorce is the reason why we are not building wealth. Divorce is killing our communities. Divorce is having our kids being raised in a single parent household. I no longer believe in Divorce. Any couple that comes to me for counseling I AM WILLING TO FIGHT THEM TO STAY MARRIED! We have to work harder in our marriages. I don’t think that people should stay together and be unhappy, I just think that people are not working hard enough to be happy.

        2. Stop lying to yourselves says:

          The mistress still needs to get her own man. The wife has a man: her husband. Even if he is cheating, he is still her husband. I get sick of women who have the “if it’s not me he’s cheating with it’d be someone else” mentality. While that may very well be true, that does not make it right or excuse the behavior that the mistress engages in. Yes, we all know the husband and wife are the ones who made the commitment but I think the point if this article is not that the mistress should respect the marriage (because that’s the man job, he took the vows) but that she should respect HERSELF enough to not get involved with another woman’s man. No matter what kind of man he may or may not be. I have a friend who’s been involved with a married man for years and she can’t see the role she plays in the situation. She’s always talking about how she wants him to leave her alone but that’s bs. If you really don’t want to be “bothered” by someone, you know what steps to take to ensure they leave you alone. I think she uses the fact that he continues to see her as an excuse for her to keep doing what she’s doing without accepting responsibility for her own actions.

          1. sjDixon says:

            Keri, marriage is hard enough as it is. When a single woman makes her self avaiable to a married man. . . let’s be honest, some men are not prepared to turn down free sex. I am not excusing it, I am explaining it. Men have to learn how to control themselves. I 100% agree with that. Men are totally 100% responsibile for their actions but mistresses need to find their own man.

        3. ChunkDiva says:

          Keri, I completely agree with you on this one. This article was as one-sided as they come. For the record a woman who is married to a man who is cheating on her has no more power or status than his mistress. And just because he comes home on time EVERY night does not mean he wants to be there. The vows that the two of them took couldn’t keep his cheatin azz at home and yet we are supposed to blame the “other” woman? Please! I would rather my man leave me than to be with me wishing he were somewhere else. A man who allows himself to cheat on his marriage with some random “hoochie” isn’t a real man at all. Let’s not throw shade on the “other woman when the real problem lies with the man who has not committed to commit. Ultimately the man is the one who has the final say in whether or not he cheats, not some random woman. If the thought of his poor wife isn’t enough to keep him from cheating then maybe he shouldn’t be married at all and he probably doesn’t have the balls to say so for fear of what family and friends may think of him.

        4. BlessedRU9 says:

          The Bible is the authority on wrong and right and no one should justify sin period!!….and the woman bears an equal responsibility bcuz God is real and we are responsible for obeying His commandments….First of all the bible is clear on no sex before marriage (fornication/adultery) Secondly the bible tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves…doing something to hurt someone’s spouse violates that. The bible also says not to covet….that includes coveting someone’s husband God is powerful enough to send you your own. Bottom Line U will answer to Him for your unrepented….sin don’t be so educated that U miss God’s Word as the Authority on the subject at hand. Some of these folks sound so confused with these responses…well confusion is from no one but satan. God will be Glorified!!!! Hell is a real place….REPENT B4 it’s 2 late. If you think the woman has no responsibility in this than U are blinded by the god of this world who is satan.

      2. lovely says:

        Some of these “hoochie mamas” do have men. That’s right.. Married women cheat with married men ALL the time! In fact, in many cases they are more comfortable with that type of arrangement because it’s less threatening! You consistently make references to mistresses as single, lonely or without a man. Well I’ve got news for you…many of these married women playing the innocent victim role are the main hoochies doing the dirt! I think the attack on single women exclusively is quite insulting…

  25. Reek says:

    Good Article Steve (Ship),
    Can’t relate to this but know friends (women) who have put themselves in the situation and they regret it later. I hear the blues later, but I can always say I told you so.

    Keep the articles comin man!


    1. sjDixon says:

      What up Ship! Look for me in JET Magazine on July 11th!

  26. Isabella says:

    GREAT REVIEW! I totally agree with all you said in your post, especially at the middle of your article. Thank you, your post is very useful as always. Keep up the good work! You’ve got +1 more reader of your blog:) Isabella S.

  27. EbonEyez says:

    I completely agree with this article. Women we completely hold the power. If we as women did not readily agree to these relationships then men would be forced to work things out at home, make the marriage better. I found myself in a situation with my husband and we were supposedly separated when his extra marital relationship started, but it continued once we got back together and I was broken and torn into pieces when I realized that he thought he was in love with this woman and at any cost he was going to stay in that relationship. However, upon my divorce I found myself dating (NO correction sleeping with, because you don’t date married people) married men and that was not me at all. However, it was the only thing that I thought I had complete control over at the time. I was able to call the shots (or so I thought) but I wasn’t demanding and the little time I did request (that once a week) was good for him and me. Fortunately for me, I quickly learned that I was worth more than he was able to give and I wanted more. I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life sharing a man that was never mine to begin with!!! Being single and walking through my Christian experience can be lonely, but I do believe it pays off in the end. So, end those relationship that feel good, look good and sounds right, for its only for the moment; until he finds the next best thing!!! Again enjoyed the article…..it speaks the truth!!!

  28. Stacy R says:

    I felt your passion in this article. Unfortunately, although it is accurate in most cases, my ex-husband unfortunately didn’t get a chance to finish studying this topic before he divorced me to be with his fourth jumpoff. The interesting thins is that I know karma will come into play and both of them will get all of what’s coming to them. Although I will say that he probably wouldn’t have left if he hadn’t gotten her pregnant, but that’s another story for another day….

  29. Jesse says:

    Excellent article my brother….no worries about the tenuous exchange you had earlier…women react strongly to logic/facts that squarely place them in the wrong…even when you acknowledge several times that men are 100% responsible for their actions it still isn’t enough…even when you convict the thought patterns of the mistress or lay out the emotional duress of the wife…STILL your message wasn’t processed correctly…but rest assured there are women who are engaging in the reckless disrespectful behavior of married man dating that have read this and have grown and THAT my brother was the point of your article NOT to haggle over points that a woman with a chip on her shoulder refuses to get…nobody in their right mind believes that you excuse/condone poor choices in men or place a higher sense of marital responsibility on the wife or even worse the mistress…just that women who KNOWINGLY seek out married men need to check themselves and their thought patterns…it’s the women reading this and not responding that you are achieving your greatest impact with man….keep on keeping on my brother and God bless…

    1. sjDixon says:

      Jesse, one question. Where you been? I am going to start handing off some off these fights that I have to take on to you. One day soon you are going to start getting emails that start off with “The RelationshipBeast told me that you could explain this!”

      Jesse, look at my article “Stupid Questions That Men Ask Women”. Search that or something. It’s on this website somewhere.

      Thanks Bro! Don’t ever think that I don’t need the support!

      1. Jesse says:

        Brother…I stumbled upon this article on facebook and then read the subsequent comments left and was encouraged by the feedback(with the exception of Keri of course)…if you are in need of support PLEASE feel free to email me your brilliant/insightful articles and give me the opportunity to arm myself with your perspective so that I might gird myself for the battle of the sexes…in my experience the presence of blind objection is always a sign that you’re on the right path(see also Christ, Jesus) AND when you throw a brick into a pack of wild dogs..the one that yelps the loudest is the one that was hit…if there is no element of truth, then emotions wouldn’t run high…Godspeed my brother*salute*

        1. Hollie says:

          Walking in the presence of giants here. Cool thinking all arunod!

  30. Jesse says:

    In regards to marriage and happiness…I believe that the modern day woman places too much emphasis on being “happy”..the vows state nothing about remaining married as long as you are “happy”..in fact most vows declare the opposite…for better or for WORSE..in SICKNESS and in health… commitment means digging in and staying in the trenches even when things ARE tough(which they will be)…what God joins together let no man put asunder…I do believe that feelings will be hurt and circumstances will become difficult..should that be financial or romantic but difficult times do not justify or merit divorce…happiness is a fleeting emotion that is subject to change along with wind direction..however contentment is the goal and the foundation for a healthy marriage…even if infidelity is an issue

  31. Jay says:

    Mr. Dixon…as a formerly married woman who was cheated on I can say that I agree with your article completely. I was taunted by the woman who my ex-husband was stepping out with. For some reason, once I found out about their affair she thought she had the right to confront me…now how twisted is that. I blame him because she didn’t put a gun to his head and make cheat (being faithful to the marriage was his responsibilty) but at the same time I hold this woman accountable for her actions. She knew very well that he was married and had actually met me on two occasions so she knew exactly what she was getting herself into. Long story short…once he and I separated she got pregnant and he was cheating on her and left her for another woman before their son was born and I feel like she got exactly what she deserved. And this man has the audacity to say nobody cares about his feelings and my response to that is why in the hell should anybody care about his feelings when he certainly hasn’t cared about anybody else’s. I only hate it for my daughter and the other children that are involved in this mess.

  32. Voya Wylds says:

    This is an awesome subject; especially to those that actually do it! This IS NOT ME…BUT I enjoy the TOPIC

  33. "BIG O" says:


  34. Adellie says:

    Very well put!

  35. Kim says:

    SJD you are so right, men in general compartmentalize and so a woman that he doesn’t have emotional ties with is shorted out. Several of my friends got involved with married men (I tried to warn them) against better judgement. One had to leave church, one had a baby by the creep and another almost lost her mind. These are my rule for dating I ask a lot of questions up front and I’ve made up my mind that I will not date a married. recently divorced, separated man. I have a question that I ask men if they are interested “are you married, singled, divorced, or otherwise attached, (separated, in a relationship, etc.), ever slept with a man been locked up?” in one breath. What I find out is if you ask this question soon men will tell you the truth. If they say they are married, separated, recently divorced, in a relationship, etc… I say thanks for your honesty but I don’t date m,s,rd,iar men and standup. walk away and run if necessary…. Most women today lack morals or are downright scared to be alone to turn away men, any man….sad… Lightly dating!

    1. Truth Hurts says:

      I too ask those same questions of men because I REFUSE to be the OTHER WOMAN. I definitely deserve more than that. When I told this guy that the date was over because he shared that he had a girlfriend, he was upset, told me she had nothing to do with me, and that he should have lied. Not all boys become men. I have also have had “involved” me tell me we should be together because they “love” me. I reply “What’s “love” got to do with it? The don’t know or respect me and definitely have no respect for themselves or their partners. Women, We deserve and can do WAAAAAAYY better than that

  36. Phyllis says:

    I return back to this article often so that I can here you call me stupid! It jolts me each time and gives me the ammunition I need to continue to wait for my own man/husband. Some men are tricksters and they will tell some good old fashioned lies to get and keep you in their web. I am a women who has been in a relationship with a married man. This article helped me bury the last one and it keeps me focused on what I deserve my own life time partner. Thanks Steven for calling me stupid!!!

    1. BlessedRU9 says:

      Amen Phyllis….correction “was stupid”….past tense.!!! Glory 2 God…we have all been there at some point in time in one way or another. Praise God 4 UR boldness!!

  37. B.Ann says:

    Ha I used to get bs from my ex boyfriends who had gotten married, wanting to hook back up. I always tell them go home and screw their wives it will be better for them in the long run or ask them wth they got married for if they don’t want to be with their wives sexually. Makes absolutely no sense. Just like dating married men, makes no sense.

  38. Dee says:

    This is on point Mr. Dixon. I can’t stand when women try to mess around with somebody else husband or boyfriend. To me it seems like women who think their going to make this guy leave their girlfriend or wife think their going to become the next girl. Stop being so lazy and get your own love, you are so much better then your acting. My mom always told me the mistress never wins because the wife is always on top

  39. D says:

    Great article. Keep up the good work and you know you are right on.

  40. Jen says:

    I am a single woman who was married for 10 years. Divorced now and have no intention of getting married again. So, why would I date a single man who after dating for a certain period of time will ask to marry me? I personally prefer married men..they treat me like a piece of gold and they are more respective. I do not miss out on anything, if I want to see my man everyday of the week, I will see him, if I want to go on vacation, he will take me…if I need any financial assistance, he will help. I don’t expect anyone of you to agree with me but I love my married man. All his family including his own mother knows me and knows that I am dating her son, the reason…the wife is not doing her wife thing and my married man stay in the marriage for the sake of his kids.

  41. Loves Pink says:

    Mr. Dixon,

    Your article was very informative! I love how candid you are in your approach. Keep doing what you are doing, you are a great help to single women such as myself. I wish I could have learned the information from your articles and book 10 years ago. I totally agree, if man is married, he is off limits…POINT BLANK! I love how you informed women of how attentive, sensitive, and affectionate married men can be. Although, I have NEVER dated a married man, I have been approached by several married men with the “suave demeanor” that you so candidly described. When I read that, it was such an eye-opener because those same qualities that women love and are looking for in a husband is the “bait” that usually hooks single women into affairs with these married men, that usually begin emotionally and end up getting physical. Women beware, if he is married RUN, he is TRAINED to get into your mind (he’s had lots of practice), once a man gets into your mind and heart, he will then conquer your body. WAKE UP and leave womaninzing married men alone, they are looking out for their own self-interest…SEX!!!!!!! If he is that interested in you, he will pursue you once he has taken care of his marital affairs by getting a divorce!!!!!!

  42. N says:

    I think a lot of black women do this out of desperation and a need to feel loved and cared for. Honestly, some women are not in the right frame of mind when they’re steady ripping apart another woman’s life she made with that man married or dating. It’s not ok to come into another person’s relationship and convince them to leave who they’re with. I am faced with this same situation some bitch gets a little nookie from someone who IS not single and now she’s in love and is trying to get him to leave me. It’s pretty sad that black women have lowered themselves to this form of self disrespect. I mean how would you like it if some woman started sleeping with your spouse or partner with no regards to the relationship they have with you? It wouldnt feel very good so some of you who are carrying on with men who are married or committed need to really think about how you’re living in a delusional mentality because the reality of the situation is that married or committed man DOES NOT love you and if you believe for a second that he’s going to leave his wife or girlfriend for you please get your head checked. I read a text message from a woman who constantly bombards my boyfriend’s phone with non stop texts saying things like “I enjoy our friendship” and “I want to spend time with you again” when women get to that point of begging a man for attention her self esteem has hit past rock bottom. I did address my boyfriend about this and nipped it in the bud. Now this girl was blowing up his phone angry because he told her that those texts they were exchanging were inappropriate and they can’t be interacting like that as friends. She was trying to convince him to walk away from someone who she thought was bad for him when she made a crucial mistake of getting involved with a taken man. For you ladies who are currently doing this please stop lying to yourself why are you even with this man when 99.9% of married and committed men do not leave their wives and girlfriends for you they RARELY do. Not to mention he’s using you and playing you at the same time. Get some self esteem and respect and find a SINGLE man you can build something with, but stop trying to take a man that’s not yours.

  43. Jessica says:

    Hey author, I loved reading your article. I’m a woman. I hadn’t decided if I could build a good family or if I would fail like so many others. I’ve been researching all the pros and cons – am I built for this or is it something that comes when you meet the right person…
    So, my question for you is, when did you know you wanted to be a married man? Before or after your wife? Do you think that’s a decision that would affect how you date?

    1. Before I met my wife I always knew that I wanted to have a successful marriage and happy family life. It definitely affected how I dated. I only had relationships with women that I thought I could build a future with. Now I did have “relations” with women that I couldn’t build anything with too!

  44. Jas says:

    My sister need to read this… I have a question….or statement for the author..: I was in a relationship with this guy and we were in a committed relationship for 10months. He went off to college (yea we were in high school together) and decided that we should break up because of the distance. I didn’t really want to, because I knew all I wanted was Him, but I had no choice so we ended it. Through the years, roughly 3 years we were on and off, intimate (my number one mistake and all) and everything like we were together but yet he could not make up his mind. So in the end he decided he wanted someone different. He had told me that there was nothing wrong with me or the relationship we had, he just wanted something different. I didn’t and still to this day don’t get it, I wish someone could help me understand this. How could you have a good relationship but yet you give that up. After analyzing things, I realized that my standards needed to be raised. I just don’t get it. And what makes it even harder, I’m extra close to his family. They are basically like my family and he has a girlfriend now.

  45. Gabriella says:


    1. Christy says:


  46. muchomeecho says:

    Women in their RIGHT minds don’t want someone else’s husband. All you broads rationalizing this sound like the kind of selfish assholes who makes the world a fucked up place to life. Go wash your stanky asses, hoes, and learn how to respectfully live among your fellow man.

    1. ellathibodeaux says:

      Great answer. Couldn’t agree more. There are no excuses for knowingly getting with a married man/woman or an attached man/woman. Male or female you is a ho and you need to quit.

      Cheating by the way is associated with mental disorder. Narcissists and sociopaths like to cheat and use others for there own ends and desires. So do predatory people who love cheap thrills.

  47. May says:

    Interesting article… Thank you for being frank. I’ve been single, miserable and lonely for more then a year now. I’ve being in a pursuit for a partner for a while. I’m not meeting people much because i don’t go out much – m a new mother to a 2 years old toddler. The only men that have shown interest are married ones. When I hug a married man my skin shrugs… I’m not comfortable. It scares me…
    My dad was diagnised HIV positive in 2011. My mother is HIV negative. So, at some point in their relationship they stopped being physical and daddy got it elsewhere. That woman did not consider my mom or us (his kids).Yes, they are old in their 70’s, but my mom is spending her old age looking after this man that cheated on her.
    Dating married men is easy because they are everywhere and are ready to splurge with their family’s monies. But the people that suffer and have to carry the burden…

  48. salia says:

    Jerks like you make me sick to my stomach!Uhhhh oh now u want to call the other woman stupid because you used her.ok so maybe they are stupid for dealing with a low life like you but it takes a stupid person to know one.ok she may be stupid but the only thing she is risking is her heart being broken,U on the other hand are risking your marriage, Kids, reputation and every dime i your hard earned money that u will defiently lose in the divorce when and if she find about your trifflin ass.So Mr. I take pride in using women is it worth loosing everything you have on peice of ass so u say,so tell me S.O.B who is really the STUPID ONE! And for all u hoes talkn about we cant get our own men oh yes we can yours was just easier.No he isnt going to leave you for us,because its cheaper to keep yall asses.dont let your husbands fool you with that love crap he will kiss your a ss with two sets of lips because you are tied to his finances,if he loved you he would try to work it out instead of running to another woman.Coward ass peice of shit get the fuk outta here!