The Thrill of The Chase: Wanting A Man That Don’t Want You!

Steven James Dixon April 19, 2011 Comments

I was at the church-house and as usual, Pastor was GOING INNNNNNNNNNNNN! My Pastor said something that blew my mind. He said that, “It’s more of a thrill for women to chase men than it is for men to chase women.” I pondered on that for a second. My Pastor is 100% correct. I think about all of the women who contact me every day about their relationship or marriage. Honestly, most of the time I want to say to them, “Why are you putting up with that mess!”

In my head I am thinking. . .

It is a wrap on your relationship or marriage.

In my heart I am feeling. . .

Compassion for your feelings. Empathy. Everyone deserves happiness and to be loved.

In my memory. . .

I remember that men can change. Men can grow and evolve. Men can be great husbands and fathers. But your man has to want to be a great husband or father. You can’t want it for him. A woman’s encouragement of a man to be greater means almost nothing if that man does not want to or think that he can be great. I wanted to be great. I am great.

The Thrill of The Chase in men for women is reasonable. Let me explain. You have a man who’s eyes are impressed by the figure of a woman. Men are visual. This woman becomes his conquest. Depending on the characteristics of that man, (not quality, characteristics) that man can measure and put a percentage on his chances of completing his conquest. When I was single, 9 out of 10 women in the building any given night would be mine if I so chose. I was handsome, I had a great smile, fit, I had the gift of gab, advanced intellect, great job, made six figures, home owner and my car did not have a top. My thrill is 90% achievable. It’s not really a chase, she is standing right there waiting for me to approach her.

In contrast, The Thrill of The Chase in women for men is unreasonable. The two “Chases” are different. Men chase women that they do not have a relationship with. It is new. It is unknown. The woman that is being chased could also be curious about the man chasing her. The male chase has the potential to lead to a relationship or better yet a sexcapade. (Sexcapade = Free sex. No work, no commitment, no chance at a fullfiling relationship.) The woman is not chasing a new man or a new relationship. Too often, the woman is chasing a proven to be bad man or a proven to be failed relationship. Man’s Chase has potential. Woman’s Chase lacks potential (the relationship has already failed once if not twice or thrice). The Thrill of The Chase in women actually is a chase. He is leaving, you want him to stay. He is cheating, you want him to stop. He doesn’t want you, YOU . . . CAN’T . . . STOP . . . WANTING . . . HIM.

To Be Clear:

Man is chasing someone new. New has potential.

Woman is chasing someone old. Old has already shown that he lacks potential.

Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast although we’ve never been on date we have had sex.

Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast we got into an argument and he beat the crap out of me.

 Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast my man seems to be content in collecting unemployment, hanging with the boys and smoking weed.

Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast my man is always on Facebook, Twitter, and Skype having conversations with other females.

Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I’ve been the other woman through TWO of his marriages.

Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast my man moved back into his mama’s house. He is back smoking weed and playing video games all day. I actually caught him with another woman and left him but I always start to feel sorry for him and take him back.

Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast throughout our entire relationship he has never been capable of being faithful. Last year he started an affair and they have been intimate ever since. He has told me on several occasions that he will end the affair but he never has. So I moved out but I still sleep with him from time to time.

Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I am dating a married man who is possessive of me. Why doesn’t he want me to date anyone else? (Is it just me or is this funny? For some reason, this is funny to me.)

Dear RelationshipBeast this married man comes over to have sex with me once or twice a week.

Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I have been dealing with a man for the last 12 years who has also has been in a relationship with another woman for about 17 years.


The Thrill Is Gone

Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast when I met my Husband he was married. He cheated on his wife with me. Now, he is cheating on me with another woman.

I have a lot to teach men about relationships and marriage. Remember my principle is, “All relationships and marriages are either successful or they fail based solely on the leadership of men.” I am going to teach men how to be leaders in their marriages, families and communities. I am working on them. But women y’all have got to help me! Y’all have got to stop chasing the thrill of having ANY OLD MALE, not man, ANY OLD MALE in your life. Stop worrying about men chasing women and start worrying about women chasing men. If it is not you, it is your sister, it is your mother, it is your auntie or it is your friend that is on a sexcapade. STOP CHASING MEN! The thrill is not worth the pain. You cannot catch us. We will stiff arm you. I am the RelationshipBeast.


  1. Cherise Howell says:

    Wow! U r good! Good read!

  2. Matt says:

    Wow, superb blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is magnificent, as well as the content!

  3. Kelli says:

    Real brain power on display. Thakns for that answer!

  4. Schoeneman says:

    Pretty fantastic post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have genuinely enjoyed reading your blog site posts. Any way Ill be subscribing to your feed and I hope you article again soon.

  5. Penn says:

    This is sensible info! Where else can if ind out more?? Who runs this joint too? carry on the great work

  6. Pat says:

    Oh my goodness, shoot I need your phone number so I can talk to you. It’s crazy because, I know this stuff but still get a lil caught up sometimes. I have myself and a few of my friends are going through unrealistic BS, because we give too much for nothing. And we blame ourselves but in reality it is not just us with the problem, but we seem to make it all of it our problem I guess do to our nature as a woman….

    1. Ireland says:

      THX that’s a great anwesr!

    1. Brandy says:

      That’s the best aneswr of all time! JMHO

  7. Marilyn says:

    Came across your blog and enjoyed reading it, found it to be very educational and your right when you say men need to be taught about relationships and marriage, been married twice they both failed due to the lack of them having a real understanding what a relationship and marriage or say commitment means. As far as chasing men it is one thing I do not do and I don’t like men chasing me or say stalking I find it very aggrevating and annoying, my take on it if a person does not want to be in a relationship with you then you should move on instead of making another persons life miserable if you do not want me than you should get on better to be alone with hurt feelings than to be hurting and having someone chasing you knowing they truly do not want you.

    1. Zyah says:

      A few years ago I would have had to pay some one for information like this.

  8. Article Posted to My927Charlotte says:

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    1. Keischa says:

      Walking in the prseence of giants here. Cool thinking all around!

    2. Trixie says:

      Never seen a better post! ICOCBW

  9. The Millionaire Maker says:

    Wow! This is an excellent article! So many sisters need to hear this, yet the true issue lies in the fact that so many of us have been raised fatherless. We felt rejected by the man that is supposed to represent God within the household….Therefore we seek love in the wrong places to fill the void that was created by our fathers. We’ve learned to accept/expect rejection at a very young age, and grew up feeling unworthy of love because daddy refused to be active…..

    Our mothers can’t relate because they were raised by very strong men; thus they don’t know how to guide their daughters through the emotional turmoil that is produced by a dead beat dad. #drop the mic#

    1. Nicole says:

      Not only that, there are a lot of women who DID have their fathers around all of their lives, yet, they hold on to the idea of a “perfect” relationship. They watch their mother and father’s life closely, hoping to find that “perfect” picture in their life, so they stick around and deal with the rejection of commitments from their men. Too many women really think that “the longer I stay, the more he’ll want me forever”. Uh, no! The longer we stay, the easier it is for him to prolong the decision. “Why buy the cow….?” SET THE TONE ladies!!!

  10. Article Posted to 94.5 K-Soul Dallas says:

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  11. Lady J says:

    Love this perspective. Hope you don’t mind that I referenced it in my post. Great read!

  12. Vanessa says:

    wow i wish i wld have read this 2 yrs ago…i was in a some wat similar situations…not really chasing but being with someone that never had the intentions of being in a relationship with me…yet we wld break up and end up back together…ive met his family, friends been on vacation together, yet never really knew him nor did he know me, we had great chemistry & really comfortable around each other…had alot in common…we both LOVED each other but he just never wanted to make it official..we never really even had a friendship..i know most ppl wld be like then wat did ya have?? all i can say is a complicated situation…funny thing is that from day 1 i knew it wldnt become a relationship but i THOUGHT i was such a good woman & he wld acknowledge that, then he wld wanna become a better man & realize man shes the best thing that cld ever happen to me…well i may as well have held my breath cause it never happen…but thank JESUS that he realized that he was never goin to commit to building a relationship and told me “if it hasnt happend by now then its not” & that was the lightbulb in my head & heart that allowed me to let go & do it with no regrets…

  13. Lyn says:

    There should be more people such as yourself speaking out on the grit and grim that blocks the reality that meaningful relationships can cultivate if only we get back to the basics. We as a people have changed the rules of a mandate that was written by God and in so doing, many men and woman have been almost destroyed mentally and physically by the chase. The chase be it man or woman is a futal path to more emotional instability. Until we realize it, we are stuck in traffic idling by until an opening appears, another chase no doubt.

    Good Word Brother


  14. Mariana Tani says:

    I do enjoy the manner in which you have presented this specific challenge and it does provide me personally a lot of fodder for thought. On the other hand, from what I have personally seen, I simply just wish as the comments pile on that men and women continue to be on point and in no way get started upon a soap box regarding the news du jour. All the same, thank you for this outstanding piece and while I do not concur with the idea in totality, I regard your standpoint.

  15. Nicole says:

    ALWAYS a good read!! Love this one! I was a victim of chasing the “male” not the man, once before…and you are right, it was not worth the pain. I am a lot stronger now than I was before, so my views are a lot different. I also learned to forgive faster than before, because holding onto resentment will only make myself powerless and unable to move forward. So, thank you for your articles and your wisdom. We are DYING to meet you in the Houston area! Please come back down south and meet the most beautiful Southern Belles and enjoy our Southern Hospitality too! We love you!

  16. Jas says:

    I needed to read this. When your in love with someone and they do not want you, you have to completely let them go. I was struggling with that for a long while. Right now I’m just working on becoming the woman God wants me to be, instead of wondering why the guy I love so much does not want me.

  17. Reauchean says:

    Yeah I’ve been there!!! Why? I didn’t want to be alone… But not anymore!! Enough is Enough!! I’ll let it come in it’s own time.. Not mine.

  18. Charnell McNeil says:

    AWESOME!!! I’m a GOD CHASER…so Lord chase after me and teach me to wait on my BOAZ so that you can teach him the value of LOVE and HOW TO CHASE A GOOD WOMAN….like me…;)

  19. LG says:

    Bulls Eye ! Your right on target . Your candor is so needed thnks for keeping it beyond real. I thought I lived in this kind of thinking alone. Ladies, don’t settle for a piece of a man.(i knw its it gets tough sometimes). Beauties, don’t let Fear, Impatience, nor Impulse rule. Queens under no circumstances “SNAKE YOUR SISTA” . Christ created men to Proclaim , Protect , & Provide… Let them, Exspect Them !!!!!!!